Between Love and Hate
by Himura Kawaii
Summary: They're both smart and she hated him for beating her. But how could she keep this up when he does the sweetest things? K&K!! AU... PLease review!! :) Chapter 13 uploaded! :) Tomoe is pregnant.... what will Kaoru do?! Who will Kenshin choose?
1. Chapter 1 Hate With a Passion

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter One  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah.. RK's not mine.. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama... I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!..... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
"So, who's the new guy?" Meimi popped up beside Kaori who was busily doing her Maths.  
  
"Don't care." Kaori answered without bothering to look up from her paper.  
  
It was one of those ordinary autumn days when the leaves were starting to pile up on top of the roads and the wind was slowly picking up speed. It seemed to Kaori that it was just another ordinary day filled with schoolwork to do and responsibilities to attend to. Kaori was what you can call one of those over-achievers. people who like to do things right, and do extremely well in whatever they do.  
  
Kaori wasn't interested in new guys, unlike Meimi who was obviously ogling at some new student in their class. Kaori thought it was a bit weird for a student to transfer in the middle of the semester. Plus their school didn't accept transferees for the senior year. It seemed odd that this guy was getting some kind of special treatment by the administration. This thought irritated Kaori and momentarily distracted her from her calculations.  
  
The boy had come in earlier and she hasn't taken a good look at him yet. Now would be a good time, she thought. Kaori put aside her calculator, mechanical pencil and graphing papers and looked up. Standing directly in front of her, a few seats away, was a not so tall guy with shocking flame red hair parted in the middle. Some straight strands of his hair fell on his smiling violet eyes.  
  
Violet orbs? Flame red hair? Kaori mused. How exceptionally weird.  
  
His built looked like that of a girl's, yet he seemed a lot stronger than his fragile stature revealed. A group of boys and some girls, including Meimi, surrounded him as he talked animatedly. He caught sight of Kaori staring at him and he did a small salute as a gesture to her. Kaori immediately averted her eyes and pretended that she didn't see him.  
  
Arrogant. She instantly concluded. Cute, but arrogant.  
  
She was about to start doing her work again when a shadow loomed over her. She tucked a strand of black hair on her ear and looked up to see the boy sitting in front of her, grinning rather shyly. Before Kaori could say anything, he spoke up.  
  
"Doing Math during a vacant period?!" He feigned surprise and added, "Seems like something only a real smart girl would and could do!"  
  
Kaori stared at him indignantly as if to say, 'Are you mocking me?' but instead she made a cross comeback. "Well some of us have better things to do than go around and make small talk."  
  
The guy seemed nonplussed by this retort. Either he was really good- natured, or he just plain missed the sarcasm dripping in her voice. Kaori decided he seemed like the first one, but was still annoyed at him for it. How could anyone continue smiling at you after you've insulted him?  
  
This superhuman kindness thing that this boy possessed irritated Kaori even more.  
  
The guy suddenly smacked his head. "How silly of me! I haven't even introduced myself yet, and here I am expecting you to talk to me!" He took out his hand and held it in front of Kaori.  
  
"Watashi Himura Kenji."  
  
Kaori could do nothing but offer her hand as they both bowed their heads. Kaori felt a shock of electricity as they touched and jerked her hand away. She frowned.  
  
Even his touch is unnerving.  
  
Kenji started to stand up. "Well, I better leave you to your math then." He looked at Kaori for a moment and grinned sheepishly. "It was awfully nice meeting you."  
  
With that, he left Kaori to herself and her thoughts.  
  
To Kaori, Kenji seemed to be the type who was nice and friendly. Nothing was really wrong with that. But she couldn't help not liking the way he easily and effortlessly endeared himself to everyone else. She was also annoyed at the way he didn't seem to own any bad trait.  
  
Why am I so hostile to this boy?  
  
Kaori inwardly shrugged and continued her battle with numbers.  
  
  
  
The days slowly passed and Kaori had just aced her Math and Science long tests and was eagerly waiting for the results of her English exam. English has always been her favorite subject and she's always done well in it. One could say that no one can beat Kaori when it came to her language, grammar and writing skills. English was her forte.  
  
She was especially looking forward to the results of this test because their professor told them that whoever will be among the top five will be given due credit by posting their names on the campus bulletin board and will be given free tickets o watch a critically acclaimed play that was to be presented that weekend. Kaori wanted to be among those students, and she wanted so badly to be on the top of the list. She was so sure she'd make it because she studied really hard for this one. harder than any other student would for English.  
  
A short, stocky man of about forty-three years walked into the classroom as the students hushed and returned to their seats. The professor started talking about literature and poems and handed out copies of Sylvia Plath's controversial poem, "Daddy". For an hour they pored over and analyzed the disturbing poem. Kaori felt restless in her seat, unable to take the suspense any longer. She liked her teacher, he was always joking around and he made English more interesting, but today Kaori was impatient for the results of the test. When they finally finished, the professor took out their papers from his bag and distributed the papers to each of the students.  
  
When Shino got his, he let out a loud "Kuso!" Chou followed this with a "Baka roosterhead!" and soon Saitoh was calling them both "Ahous"  
  
Kaori laughed along with the class. She only had four mistakes. The test had been a toughie and she was sure that not even Arashi, the resident Math genius could top her in this one. She sat back and watched as Chou and Shino threw insults at each other with Saitoh flaming their anger. The professor cleared his throat and everyone became civil once again.  
  
"Now, I want all of you to know that you've all done exceptionally well." The professor started. "Except of course, for a few of you who still can't make the subject-verb agreement work," He paused and looked at Shino and Chou. "Anyway, here, as promised, are the top five achievers."  
  
"Number five, with nine mistakes, is Makimachi Misao."  
  
The class clapped as Misao hi-fived with her best friend Soujirou.  
  
"Number four, with eight mistakes is our ever cheerful Seta Soujirou."  
  
Soujirou grinned broadly and thanked his classmates.  
  
"With only five mistakes, our top three is Shinomori Arashi."  
  
Misao yelled, "Nice one Arashi-sama!!" While Arashi only smiled slightly as if this was expected and it only seemed natural that he would get only five mistakes.  
  
"Our second best, with only four mistakes is the very talented Kamiya Kaori and the top-notcher in this test, with only one mistake is..  
  
.Himura Kenji!!!"  
  
The class erupted into loud hoots and claps were aplenty but all Kaori could hear was the loud rumbling in her ears, the constant repetition of 'second best', and the blurry sight of her classmates coming over to congratulate her or pat her on the back. She mechanically held out her hand and nodded her thanks, but she couldn't see straight. God, she couldn't even think straight. Her mind didn't seem to want to register the fact that she wasn't the first.  
  
"One mistake?" She blurted out. "How is it possible that a stranger from nowhere land is three points smarter than me?!"  
  
Kaori blinked a couple of times.  
  
Maybe she was only dreaming.  
  
Maybe she heard the professor wrong.  
  
Why is the classroom starting to spin?  
  
Maybe she really was the first and that Kenji was only second.  
  
Why is she having difficulty breathing?  
  
Maybe she should get out of here.  
  
"Omedetou de gozaru yo!!" She looked up to see Kenji cheerfully congratulating her.  
  
Maybe not.  
  
Kaori managed to compose herself and pasted a brave smile on her face.  
  
She felt like throwing up.  
  
"Demo, I should be the one congratulating you!" She shakily held out her hand to take his.  
  
Do I HAVE to?!  
  
After they shook hands, Kaori stood up abruptly, took her book bag and excused herself, leaving Kenji staring after her, his arms still outstretched, his mouth hanging open.  
  
  
  
Kaori ran to the bathroom and started sobbing hysterically in front of the mirrors. Thankfully, no one was around because classes were still going on. She didn't even have a hall pass, she realized.  
  
"Why am I even crying?!"  
  
She tapped the faucet and cold water started pouring out. She splashed some on her face and dried her face with napkins.  
  
Someone else beat her at what she did best.  
  
If she didn't excel in English, where else could she excel?  
  
What else is left for her?  
  
Her head was spinning with dumb thoughts but she didn't care. She sure didn't feel swell.  
  
She had no intention of crying, really. But there was something oddly familiar and warm about Kenji's touch, like an old friend, or a brother, that made her want to break down and cry and tell him how awful she felt.  
  
Except that Kenji was the one who made her feel bad in the first place.  
  
And two, it would be very weird to hug someone you've just met and aren't even close to.  
  
She hastily dug into her bag for eye drops and waited for her eyes to go back to normal.  
  
The cold water had refreshed her and awakened her senses.  
  
She stared at her reflection as she slowly realized that the new guy had become an enemy.  
  
If she was to hate him, she was going to hate him with passion. She was going to put her entire being into making sure he doesn't beat her at anything at all.  
  
"I will beat you, Himura Kenji. I'll make sure of that."  
  
Okay. how was that? Please tell me.. cuz I dunno, I suddenly got the inspiration to do this while I was talking to my cute and super intelligent classmate last night. I just thought, I wanna hate this guy, but he sure as hell was making it hard because he was so nice and sooooo sweet. So there, viola! A new fic! ^_^  
  
I used the names I used at Mirai. lack of originality, eh? Hehe. Shino= Sano, Meimi= Megumi, Kaori= Kaoru, Kenji=Kenshin, Aoshi=Arashi. I only retained Misao's name cuz it would be very weird to say 'Makimachi Maki'. right? Hehe..  
  
Please comment and review!! You guys know I live for your reviews!!! ^_^ tell me if you still wanna read more. and I'll do my best!!  
  
'Til next chappie!!! 


	2. Chapter 2 Everything I'm Not

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Two  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah.. RK's not mine.. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama... I also don't own the song.. Vertical Horizon does! I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!..... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
  
  
He is everything you want, he is everything you need,  
  
He is everything inside of you that you wish you could be  
  
He says all the right things at exactly the right time  
  
But he means nothing to you and  
  
You don't know why.  
  
"Hey guys! Look who I have here with me!"  
  
Shino had just arrived at the gumi's usual hangout at the campus coffee shop.  
  
Everyone was on their usual spots- Arashi was on one of the chairs, reading a newspaper while sipping on his coffee. Kaori, Meimi and Maki were reading magazines while gossiping. Sou was on the counter smiling and watching one of the beautiful attendants.  
  
They all looked up to see Shino's arm patting the back of Himura Kenji's back. Everyone else waved at him and greeted their hellos. Meimi stood up to make small talk and Shino took Meimi's recently vacated seat beside Kaori. He took a huge bite of Misao's Belgian waffles.  
  
"Hey!" Misao slapped Shino's hand, as he was halfway to gobbling up the whole thing. "Buy your own!" She moved away with her waffle and went to Sou. Before Shino could respond, Kaori grabbed his blazer's sleeve and hissed, "What the hell is he doing here?!"  
  
Shino looked at Kaori, a puzzled expression in his face. "Wah goo yu mik?" Shino asked in between mouthfuls.  
  
"For godssake, chew your food first! It's not even your food, it's MINE!" Kaori jokingly reprimanded.  
  
When Shino gulped down the last of the waffle with Kaori's frap, he asked again. "I said, what do you mean? Who's he?"  
  
She glanced at Kenji's direction, where Meimi was all over him. "I meant HIM. Why the hell did you bring him here? What's his business here?"  
  
Shino shrugged. "He seems like a nice kid, so I thought we could befriend him and stuff. Plus I think he'll be a good friend to you. See how he's not falling for Meimi's charms? I already like him a LOT!!!"  
  
Shino stood up and went over to the two. "Oi, Kitsune! Get your hands off the poor boy and put them on me!" Meimi quickly forgot Kenji and went over to Shino almost immediately. Kaori had to smile; those two were really something else! Before she could salvage what was left of her mocha frap, Kenji was already seated beside her, grinning from ear to ear.  
  
Kaori sighed. "You know, you have this annoying way of popping up everywhere I turn."  
  
"Oro."  
  
"Whaaaaa?"  
  
"Ororororo." Kenji scratched his head and grinned innocently.  
  
"You're weird." Kaori couldn't help but smile. "If you say that 'oro' one more time, I'll whack your head." Kaori added rather playfully.  
  
This is so not cool. I was supposed to hate this guy.  
  
"Gomen." Kenji apologized quickly. There was something comforting about the way he said things that Kaori had to shake her head to get back in track.  
  
Hostility is the key.  
  
"So how're you going to go to the play?" Kenji asked her.  
  
Kaori's eyebrows shot up. She knew that this conversation was being overheard by the gumi.  
  
"What do you think? Do you want me to fly?" She shot back sarcastically.  
  
"Oh." Kenji looked down, obviously hurt.  
  
Kaori took it back almost immediately. "Of course I'm gonna take my car to go there." She explained almost apologetically.  
  
Kenji looked up and brightened. "So, uh, why don't we go together?"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Uh, yeah, you know." Kenji stammered, embarrasses to have been in this kind of situation in front of everyone else. "Since we were gonna watch the same play together, maybe, I thought, we could go. together. He finished weakly.  
  
He scratched his head and shrugged.  
  
He almost looks cute.  
  
Kaori was positive she didn't want to go with him. Not now, not ever.  
  
But Kenji was looking at her with those pleading puppy dog eyes that no one could refuse.  
  
But I can and I will.  
  
Even the gumi stopped pretending not to listen and waited for Kaori to speak. Half the girls in class would kill to be in her shoes right now.  
  
I don't want to go with him. It's like feeding his already bloated ego. I hate the guy!  
  
Kaori bit her lip and started to speak.  
  
"Please?" Kenji asked one last time.  
  
Kaori sighed.  
  
"Yeah, whatever."  
  
I cannot believe I'm doing this.  
  
"Way to go Kenji!" Soujirou cheered. "About time, too!"  
  
Huh?  
  
Shino had his arm around Meimi "A little slower than what I would've preferred, but hey, to each his own!"  
  
What?  
  
"Would somebody please tell me what everyone else is talking about? Cuz I seem to be a bit lost here, if you know what I mean." Kaori asked everyone.  
  
Kenji turned beet red and was at the door in an instant. "Got to go! See you guys! I'll call you Kaori! Ja!" And within a few seconds, he was backing his car up onto the street.  
  
She turned back to everyone. They were back to pretending to be busy with something else.  
  
"So what's the big deal with him anyway? Why are we treating him like he's one of us?" She asked, irritated.  
  
No one said anything.  
  
"Oh, this is just great." Kaori couldn't stop herself from fuming. "God, I hate his guts."  
  
"Uh-oh." Meimi muttered under her breath. "Kaori, you see, Kenji, well, uh.. you know. You shouldn't really hate him just because he's smarter than you are. We all get duped sometimes."  
  
"What?!" Kaori turned to stare at her. "He is not smarter than me. No way is carrot-top smarter than me. I REFUSE to accept that."  
  
Meimi instantly backed off. "Um, Okaaaaaaay."  
  
Arashi suddenly went over to sit beside Kaori. "The carrot-top, as you prefer to call him, is absolutely nuts about you." Arashi patted Kaori's head and went on. "You should see him stare at you while you recite the periodic table of elements. it's like he's listening to something that's life-changing or something!"  
  
Everyone else laughed and nodded their heads.  
  
Is this a joke?  
  
"Yeah," Misao remembered. "He was the only one, besides you that is, who was disappointed about him being the first in that english test. He looked so sad, one would think he failed!"  
  
"But I wasn't disappointed at all!" Kaori denied.  
  
Shino snorted. "Yeah, right!" He turned serious. "No, really, Kaori, the guy blushes every time someone says your name, even though he denies it!"  
  
"You're the only one who's so dense about it!" Meimi butted in.  
  
Kaori couldn't take it anymore. "You guys, could we not talk about him anymore? He's becoming that gum stuck in my shoe sole. and the more I try to take it off, the more it gets stuck, or in this case, him."  
  
The gang pondered for a minute at this weird analysis.  
  
"Why do you hate him?" Soujirou suddenly blurted out. "Um, I mean, what did he do to you?"  
  
Kaori was taken aback by this question. She looked back to the past few weeks and she couldn't remember a single bad thing that Kenji did to her. It was so weird because now that she thought about it, her reason seemed so petty.  
  
But Kaori has a bit of a stubborn streak in her. Good or not, he blocked her path and she's not about to let it pass.  
  
"Because I just hate him, okay? I hate everything about him. You what, in fact, I hated him the moment I saw him." Kaori answered hotly.  
  
Misao prodded further. "But Kaori, you just can't hate someone without a good reason."  
  
"He got one freaking mistake in that damn test! I mean, who the hell does he think he is, waltzing into our school in the middle of the semester,, making friends with everyone, making dumb small talk! Did he honestly think I'd fall for that crap?!"  
  
"So okay, now he comes to class and mocks my ability by getting a higher grade in the subject I like most, in the only thing I do best! If that's not bad enough, he strolls into MY hangout and acts as if MY friends are his friends too! Tell me, what's a girl to do? Go goo-goo-eyed when he asks me out?!" Kaori furiously talked on, unable to stop her anger and frustration from pouring out.  
  
"You know what? I hate him. I hate him because he's everything I'm not!"  
  
She suddenly laughed at this realization. She was so close to tears but then the suddenness of this truth made the whole situation seem ridiculous.  
  
The gumi finally nodded in understanding and knew better than to push the discussion any further. They got to the core of Kaori's insecurity and maybe that would be enough for now.  
  
"So, who else wants to reveal some life-changing secrets?" Kaori jokingly asked and everyone laughed.  
  
I am everything you want, I am everything you need,  
  
I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be  
  
I say all the right things at exactly the right time  
  
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why.  
  
I don't know why.  
  
EVERYTHING YOU WANT  
  
Vertical Horizon  
  
*** Hehe. was that good? Hope it was. cuz I had to dig deep into myself to find out why I feel that way. and it was actually very funny! ^_^  
  
Chapter three will be up soon! Please read and review! I live for your reviews! 


	3. Chapter 3 Bring Me Down

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Three  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah.. RK's not mine.. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama... I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!..... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
"I'm just saying that maybe this isn't the right time to be wooing Kaori." Kenji explained to Shino. "She. how do I put it? She hates me Shino." Kenji emphasized the word 'hate'.  
  
They were at the campus parking lot, leaning on their cars, which were parked beside each other. Shino's headphone was on his neck and he was fiddling with the disc player.  
  
"But man, you shouldn't give up! Kaori's just one tough cookie."  
  
Kenji drummed his fingers on the hood of his blue Toyota Rav4. ""Damn." If I'd known she'd get mad at that, I would've flunked that test in an instant!"  
  
"Whoa, man, I wouldn't go THAT far." Shino advised as he looked inside his car for more CDs. "Plus it's just not the test. There's something about you that irks her."  
  
Kenji shook his head, causing the strands of red hair fall over his eyes, the way they did the first time Kaori saw him.  
  
"What should I do then? Should I just disappear? Should I make my presence be known more? Should I change my entire life? What?????!!"  
  
When Shino didn't reply, Kenji playfully pulled his leg, which was hanging out of the car while his body was inside. Shino jumped up and knocked his head on the car's roof in the process.  
  
"OW!! Ow, ow, ow, ow!!!" He rubbed his head as he glared at Kenji. "Ooooh, Himura, for a smart guy, you could be reallllllllllllyyyyyyyy immature sometimes!"  
  
Kenji just laughed at Shino's predicament.  
  
"And stupid too, if you ask me!" Shino grumbled. "Kill her with kindness man! What kind of girls wouldn't fall in love with a guy like that? She would surely melt."  
  
Kenji turned serious and ran a hand through his hair. "You think that would work? I mean, with Kaori?"  
  
Shino raised his eyebrow. "How many girls have you dated, anyway?"  
  
Kenji thought hard for a while. "I don't keep count." He grinned sheepishly.  
  
Shino snorted. "Judging from the way you asked Kaori out yesterday, I'd think otherwise."  
  
Kenji glared at Shino. "I'm not usually tongue-tied, you know. It's just that Kaori's different. With her, it's like you're always on your toes. Being around her is a constant struggle. Man, I don't know what she's gonna do next!" He watched as a sleek black BMW pulled up next to his car.  
  
Kenji sighed. "Maybe I should just give it all up."  
  
"Maybe, you should give her a dose of her own medicine." A voice suggested as they looked up to see Arashi walking towards them. Arashi's hair was still wet and he was holding his navy blue blazer on one hand, while he pressed the alarm to lock his car on the other. His tie was carelessly strewn around his neck and his white polo shirt still halfway unbuttoned.  
  
For once, Arashi looked disheveled.  
  
Handsomely disheveled.  
  
Shino walked over to shake Arashi's hand while Kenji greeted him.  
  
"Hey man, where's the earthquake?" Kenji teased as Arashi leaned on Shino's car and buttoned his shirt.  
  
Arashi groaned. "I went to this boring cocktail party with my dad and we stayed up really late with all those equally boring old people. So I woke up late and rushed to school immediately! Now I'm early." He groaned again.  
  
"So what were you saying before.?" Kenji hadn't forgotten Arashi's earlier remark.  
  
Arashi shrugged casually as he did his tie. "Like I said, do the same to her. A girl loves a good challenge as much as any other guy. Especially Kaori. She's not like the other girls who fall for moonlight-and-roses sort of thing."  
  
Kenji's eyebrow shot up. "How would you know that?"  
  
Shino smirked. "Kaori and Arashi came a looooooooong way back. They were classmates since pre-school! Shino laughed. "Anyway, I think they were elementary school sweethearts." Shino chuckled, as Kenji's eyes grew bigger.  
  
Arashi didn't say anything and kept on doing his tie, so Shino continued. "We all became close friends during our sophomore year, so we didn't know the whole thing. They both denied it so we don't really know the score. Don't worry Kenji, they're like brother and sister now. I think Kaori realized that Arashi's too boring to be a boyfriend!"  
  
Shino laughed hard as Arashi shook his head. Kenji turned to look at Arashi with a puzzled expression on his face.  
  
"We weren't together like that! We were just really close back then. I watch out for her, like a big brother." Arashi shook his head as if to dismiss the whole thing.  
  
"Oh yeah?" Shino challenged him. "How do you explain the way you two kissed during last New Year's party?"  
  
Arashi rolled his eyes. "Everyone was kissing everyone, Shino. We were celebrating the New Year. Besides, you were kissing some girl named Sayo Magdalla or something while Meimi was gossiping with Misao." Arashi shot back.  
  
"You saw that?!" Shino panicked. "Don't tell Meimi! It was a one time thing, so keep it to yourself!"  
  
Kenji had to laugh at these revelations. But deep inside, he was a bit rattled to find out that something happened between Arashi and Kaori, and that no one knew what it was or how long it lasted.  
  
Arashi turned to Kenji. "Do not believe a word he says. That man is a compulsive liar."  
  
Sano fumed as Arashi smiled slightly. "As I was saying, show her what you've got. Be a man, and don't lose yourself."  
  
Kenji toyed with his phone. He trusted Arashi, that he knew. But he didn't know if it was a good idea to duel with her man to man. "I don't know. Isn't that a bit rough?"  
  
Arashi shrugged again. "Well, at least you still get to keep your pride. If she hates you for who you are, there's no pint in pursuing the matter any further. I'm not saying you should make it your life purpose to defeat her. All I'm saying is that if she beats you, then good for her. If you beat her, tough luck for you. Business is a lot different from pleasure, man!"  
  
"I still think you should shower her with kindness." Shino quipped. "Works wonders all the time!"  
  
Kenji did not say anything.  
  
"Anybody wanna grab something to drink before class starts?" Arashi suddenly asked. "I'm not used to all that talking in long sentences. I'm thirsty."  
  
"Me! I'm hungry too." Shino turned to Kenji. "Hey man, did this girl affect your eating habits too?"  
  
Kenji surfaced from his reverie and grinned at Shino. "No way!"  
  
They all grabbed their stuff and headed towards the cafeteria.  
  
"Not yet, anyway." Kenji added as Shino and Arashi rolled their eyeballs at the same time.  
  
  
  
All day, Kenji thought about what he was going to do with Kaori. Shino has a strong point. No one can refuse such kindness. Plus kindness came naturally to Kenji. It would be hard for Kaori to resist him and hate him. But then, what if Kaori hated him more for seeming to be so perfect? Kenji shifted his thoughts to Arashi's idea. If he treated her with indifference and no special treatment, he could even go on as before and he wouldn't be bringing himself down. But what girl would want to go out with a guy who seemed so insensitive and uncaring? He knew Kaori loved challenges, but a small thing like this could somehow lead to ill feelings and a broken heart.  
  
He made up his mind to follow Shino's advice and be as kind as he is and giving towards Kaori. If he slaps his cheek, he'd turn and offer his other cheek. If that won't work, he'd go with Arashi's plan. And if that wouldn't work either, he'd just give up, move to Hokkaido and bury himself in the snow.  
  
He brightened up after a while and went over to where Kaori was sitting.  
  
She was poring over a book.  
  
God, she's so beautiful.  
  
"Hey!" Kenji smiled at her in greeting.  
  
Kaori glanced up expectantly from her book. When she saw Kenji, her eyes dimmed.  
  
"Oh hey."  
  
Hmmm. not much enthusiasm.  
  
"Um," Kenji started. "I was going to call you last night but then I realized I didn't have your number! I checked the phonebook but you were unlisted. I'm sorry I wasn't able to call you."  
  
Kaori looked indignant. "Well, I wasn't expecting your call anyway." She answered.  
  
Man, that hurt.  
  
But Kenji still didn't back down. "Oh, I just thought we could talk about the details of the play and everything." Kenji answered rather hopefully.  
  
"It's not THAT complicated, you know. Here's my number and address." She handed him her calling card. "Just drive over there at, sat, two o'clock? And we're off."  
  
Kenji took the card and looked at it. "Oh, hey, we live in the same village! I'm just a few blocks away from you!" Kenji grinned at the sudden display of fate. "Isn't that cool?"  
  
"Yeah, great." Kaori answered with mock enthusiasm. "Just great!"  
  
Kenji felt like banging his head on the wall.  
  
What do I do with this girl? She's so frustrating!  
  
Kaori grinned as sweetly as she can and excused herself as she walked over to Soujirou and Arashi.  
  
Kenji watched the slow sway of her hips and her shapely calves as she walked away from him. He let out a low whistle.  
  
And so damn appealing!  
  
He banged his head on the desk repeatedly and let out a sigh.  
  
"Why do I have to like HER?" Kenji asked no one in particular.  
  
C'mon now tell me.  
  
Would it be a better day for you  
  
If you bring me down.?  
  
Rivermaya  
  
Bring Me Down  
  
*** Okay. that was pretty tough! I hope you guys liked it..  
  
The Arashi-Kaori thing. hmmmm.. I'm still looking at the possibilities.. please gimme suggestions!!  
  
Til next fic! Please review!!! (  
  
Thank you so much for the reviews!! You keep me wanting to write more!!! 


	4. Chapter 4 Why I wasn't Meant for You

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Four  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah.. RK's not mine.. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama... the songs here Someday We'll Know and Clean aren't mine! They belong to New Radicals and Incubus. I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!..... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
  
  
Today, everything was fine.  
  
Until roundabout, quarter to nine  
  
I suddenly found myself in a bind.  
  
Was it something I said?  
  
Something I read and manifested that's getting you down...  
  
  
  
Clean  
  
Incubus  
  
"How long are you going to make that guy suffer, Kaori?" Soujirou asked her while they were sparring at Kendo practice.  
  
Shino, Misao and Arashi, their team captain was watching them.  
  
"Kaori, don't stiffen up!" Arashi ordered her.  
  
"I am not stiff sensei!" Kaori shouted back as she lunged at Sou. Soujirou easily blocked Kaori's attack and was suddenly behind her.  
  
"Right, Sou, use your speed!" Arashi shouted again.  
  
"So how long are you gonna keep up the 'Miss Priss' thing?!" sou asked again as he flew from Kaori's attack and landed a hit on her shoulders.  
  
Arashi frowned. "You're distracting her, Sou!" He turned to Kaori. "Oi,focus!!!"  
  
Kaori ignored Arashi's comment and turned to Soujirou. "I don't know. How about, forever?"  
  
"But he's such a nice guy!!" Soujirou almost whined.  
  
Now Arashi was really irritated. "Can you guys please talk AFTER sparring! Please! I'll even give everyone five minutes of gossiping time! You're both getting distracted. Your hits are weak and your dodges are almost hair's breath! So please-"  
  
"Um, excuse me?" A voice cut in Arashi's lecture and everyone turned to see who the source of the voice was. Even Kaori and Soujirou stopped fighting.  
  
"Oh, hey you guys!" Kenji rushed over to them.  
  
"Arashi, he's distracting us!! Get him out." Kaori demanded.  
  
.Tomorrow, what price will I pay?  
  
Could I make it all up to you by serving coffee for two in bed?  
  
Would you then gimme the time of day?.  
  
Clean Incubus  
  
Kenji stopped walking. "Uh, I was told that I could find the Kendo captain here. Do you guys happen to know who he is?"  
  
Arashi snickered. "Yeah, I know him, and don't mind whinny little Kaori. I am HIM."  
  
"So, what's up Himura?" Misao asked.  
  
Kenji smiled. "I did Kendo in my previous school so I thought maybe I could join the team this year."  
  
"No way." Kaori blurted out.  
  
Shino fought hard to keep his smirk. "And why not?"  
  
Kaori bit her lip. "Well, for one, tryouts are over. We've completed the slots and everything's already planned out."  
  
She turned to Kenji and tried to look as sympathetic as she can.. "Sorry, but you could try next year if you want."  
  
"Oh." Kenji let the strands of his hair fall to his face to cover the humiliation and disappointment he was feeling. "Sorry to interrupt you guys. see you later, I guess."  
  
.I need a map of your head, translated into English so I can learn to not make you frown.  
  
You'd feel better if you'd vent, put your frustrations into four letter words and let them out on mine, the most weathered ears in town.  
  
So say what you will, say what you mean.  
  
you could never offend, your dirty words come out clean.  
  
Clean Incubus  
  
"Wait." Arashi called after him. "Let's see what you've got and then I'LL decide whether the slots are full or not."  
  
Kaori turned indignantly to Arashi. "And the co-captain doesn't have any say in this?!"  
  
She was second in command to Arashi, along with Soujirou.  
  
"No." Arashi stood his ground.  
  
"Fine." Kaori glared at Arashi. She turned to Kenji and threw a bokken in his direction. "Let's see what you've got."  
  
Kenji eyed the bokken and then looked at Kaori, then at Arashi, then back to Kaori again.  
  
"Don't you know how to use a bokken?" Kaori spat the words at him.  
  
"Of course I do." Kenji shook his head and turned to Arashi. "But who am I going to fight?"  
  
"I'll fight you!" Kaori butted in hotly.  
  
Kenji stepped back. "Are you serious?"  
  
Kaori felt her face turn beet red. "Are you questioning my abilities, Himura? If you want to get in, you'll have to go through me first. Don't ever question my authority again." Kaori tightened her ponytail and fell into stance. "Now fight!"  
  
"I don't want to fight you." Kenji stammered, unsure of what he was supposed to do.  
  
Kaori let out a small, tinkly laugh. "Then I guess you should leave now." She turned to Soujirou and said, "C'mon Sou, lets continue this. So much time is wasted already."  
  
Sou looked at Arashi as if to say, 'What do I do now?'  
  
Arashi took the bokken from Kaori's hand and laid a hand on her arm. "Sou and Kenji will fight. Not you."  
  
Kaori jerked Arashi's hand away and frowned. "Why not me? I could fight as well as Sou can!"  
  
Arashi shook his head and said. "Please, Kaori? Please don't be stubborn."  
  
Kaori pouted and stood her ground. But she knew Arashi won this time.  
  
Without a word, Arashi carried her off the mat and sat her down in one of the bleachers.  
  
"Don't you dare get up. Taicho's orders!" Arashi shook his fingers in a brotherly way at Kaori.  
  
Kaori was fuming but she couldn't do anything but follow Arashi's orders.  
  
All she could do was stick her tongue out at Arashi.  
  
Kenji eyed the scene almost enviously. The fact that Kaori and Arashi have a special bond that they don't have made him feel a bit jealous. Arashi treats Kaori like a small sister and Kaori regards Arashi with so much respect.  
  
Kenji frowned.  
  
"You should redirect your jealousy in the game" Shino winked.  
  
"I wish I were Arashi-sama's sister!" Misao whined. "I wish I were Arashi's anything!"  
  
Soujirou grinned. "You could be my sister, Misao-kun!" He winked at her.  
  
"I'm almost your sister Soujirou!" Misao happily pointed out. "But I wish Arashi-sama would treat me the way he treats Kaori-like a lady, not like a child. I'm as old as Kaori too!"  
  
Arashi came back, grumbling. "Oi, didn't I promise you guys five whole minutes of gossiping? Ain't that enough!? Do you want to contemplate on my life more?"  
  
Misao and Shino sweatdropped as Soujirou and Kenji took their positions.  
  
They draw their swords almost at the same instant and lunge towards each other. Their swords meet and Kenji's bokken is cut in half.  
  
Soujirou smiled widely and turned to look at his bokken, but it was also cracked and a single force could probably cut it in half. His smile froze as he realized that the match was a draw.  
  
He looked up at Kenshin, puzzled. "That was amazing. This bokken couldn't be used anymore, and it's as good as sliced. You were good, Kenji. Real good."  
  
Kenshin smiled sheepishly. "Well, you were something else too. That damned speed was remarkable."  
  
"Shit, Himura! That was one hell of a fight!" Shino exclaimed as the two fighters went over to them.  
  
Arashi was also smiling. "Kenji, it would be our pleasure to train with you."  
  
"You're in, Himura!!!" Misao congratulated Kenji.  
  
"That's not fair." Kaori quietly said. "Arashi-taicho, a lot of other guys could fight as well as he can, so why are we giving him the special treatment?"  
  
Arashi turned to Kaori. "You know very well that that isn't true. If there was an applicant out there who could fight better than Kenji, we would've taken him in an instant!"  
  
Kaori grumbled and rolled her eyes at Arashi. For the second time, she knew she was beaten. She resorted to her last hope, the sight of Kaori pouting was Arashi's weakness.  
  
Arashi groaned. Ever since they were kids, Kaori always knew how to get her way with Arashi.  
  
"You're not being fair Kaori!" Arashi stood his ground.  
  
Kaori's hope fell. She stood up and started walking away from Arashi, towards the door.  
  
Arashi ran a hand through his hair. "That's not gonna work either!"  
  
Kaori continued walking away.  
  
"Kamiya, I'm your taicho! Come back here!"  
  
Kaori didn't even turn around.  
  
"If you walk out that door, you're never coming back here!" Arashi called out desperately.  
  
"Fine!" Kaori walked out and slammed the gym doors.  
  
"Shit!" Arashi let out a breath of aggravation and turned back to the rest of the gang.  
  
In his most cheerful manner, he asked, "So who wants to train next?"  
  
::everyone facefaults::  
  
"Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?" Arashi asked as he took a seat next to Kaori in one of the deserted benches along the school grounds. In front of them, some fifty meters away, were boys in yellow and green uniforms playing soccer. The action in the field contrasted the stillness of everything. Autumn was coming to a close, and soon winter would be coming in.  
  
Kaori loved winters.  
  
She shrugged without looking up. She knew Arashi's voice too well. "I know you didn't mean what you said earlier." Kaori said instead of answering the question.  
  
"Yeah, you know you always get your way with me." Arashi admitted. "So why are you so damn stubborn?"  
  
"I don't know, I do not fucking know." Kaori said, exasperated. "If I did, I wouldn't be acting this way. All I know is that his 'holier-than- thou' image irritates me and his super kindness gets on my nerves."  
  
Arashi patted Kaori's head kindly. "Poor, little spoiled brat." Kaori pulled his hair when he said this. "He's a really good guy, you know. He really cares for you Kaori. You can't push him away. You should stop being a brat and treat him with kindness too. You have to face your feelings, somehow."  
  
Kaori laughed bitterly. "What do I know about facing my feelings? What do you know, Arashi-niisan? If there were two people in the world who are good at running away, it should be us."  
  
She leaned her head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm over her.  
  
"We shouldn't talk about that anymore, Kaori-chan." Arashi quickly changed the subject. "Don't be rough on Kenji, okay? He's the right guy and now's the right time."  
  
Kaori closed her eyes and didn't say a word.  
  
"Kaori.?" Arashi peeped into Kaori's face.  
  
"I know we've both accepted the truth and tried hard to move on. I know it won't be so hard for us to fall in love with someone else. But I have issues with this guy that I just can't understand. There's something about him that draws me in and repulses me at the same time. I know he's good, but I just can't help but hate him, you know?" Kaori searched Arashi's almost white-blue eyes for understanding.  
  
"Yeah, I know." Arashi nodded as they both closed their eyes and savored the last of the autumn days.  
  
  
  
Someday we'll know  
  
If love can move a mountain  
  
Someday we'll know  
  
Why the sky is blue  
  
Someday we'll know  
  
Why I wasn't meant for you  
  
Someday We'll Know  
  
New Radicals  
  
  
  
*** Wow.. Some kind of twist, eh? I didn't really expect this twist in the story, the Arashi-Kaori complication. I take it you guys haven't guessed what is up with the two. just be patient. and everything will hopefully take it's proper place. teehee.  
  
I wanna thank the person who suggested that Tsubame be Kenji's sister and Yahiko, Kaori's brother. they'll probably appear in the next chappies. hopefully, they'll have a side story as requested.. I wanna make you happy! ^_^  
  
This light fic is turning to be a bit heavy. I mean, Kaori has to forget whatever it was that happened between Arashi and her, why they separated and stuff. Plus she has to face this new emotion with Kenji and how she'd deal with the love-hate thingie. Only a demented person like me could probab;y think of a plot like this. Aargh.  
  
Yep, as one of you guys said, Kenji will eventually follow Arashi's advice, and I guess things will be a lot more chaotic then!! Hehehe. just bear with me you guys. (  
  
There would probably be no update in the next two days. I have a NatSci test coming up and I hafta study. and I have to enlist my subjects for the next sem, too!! Sigh. but there will be an update before the week ends.. (  
  
Please keep the review coming. domo arigatou gozaimasta!!!! ( 


	5. Chapter 5 Take Care of Her

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Five  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah. RK's not mine. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama. I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!.... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
It's hard love Because sometimes love Is just not enough Yes, it's hard love  
  
"Arashi?" Kenji called as he knocked at the school publication office where Arashi was the news editor. He went in and found Arashi sitting on the floor with his eyes closed and in meditating positioon. Kenji wasn't aware that Arashi took meditating seriously. He was, after all, still new.  
  
"Aa.?" Arashi replied with a hint of the slightest irritation in his voice. "I'm meditating Himura, is there something important you want to speak to me about?"  
  
Kenji flushed from embarrassment. "Oh! I didn't know you took meditating seriously!! I will come back later." He started to exit.  
  
Arashi cracked an eye open. "Mmmm.. never mind. Sit down." He gestured towards the couch in front of him and Kenji sat down. "What's up?"  
  
Kenji looked at Arashi, it seemed uncomfortable for him to spill his guts to someone who seems to be more interested in clearing his mind of thoughts. But he still went on with his question.  
  
"What's the real score with you and Kaori? I need to know, Arashi, because I don't take what's not mine, if you know what I mean."  
  
Arashi abruptly came out of meditation and faced Kenji with his piercing cold blue eyes. "There's nothing to tell. Everything I told you before, that's all of it. She was never mine."  
  
Kenji looked skeptical; there was something in Arashi's last sentence that was puzzling. "Are you sure? Don't get me wrong, I trust you, Arashi. But I have to know." Kenji's eyes pleaded.  
  
Arashi sighed. "She's my sister, Kenji."  
  
Kenji frowned. "I know you treat each other like you're siblings, but that's not what I meant." He wanted Arashi to clarify things further.  
  
Arashi shook his head and reiterated. "She's my sister. I'm her brother. Our parents are together. Get the drift?" he looked away immediately after stating the facts.  
  
"But. how.? Why?" Kenji asked, bewildered.  
  
Arashi took a deep breath. "Kaori's mom and my mom are best friends, that's why we've known each other for ages. That's why we've spent almost every waking moment with each other as kids and as teenagers. You see, Kaori's mom had an unwanted pregnancy when she was eighteen. She didn't want to get married yet so she asked her best friend, who was then married but was unable to conceive, to keep the child. After a year, Kaori's mom got married and she bore Kaori."  
  
Arashi paused and Kenji didn't interrupt, sensing he was going to continue at his own pace.  
  
"I was the child, Kenji. My parents kept me and treated me as their own and we were all happy. Kaori and I were happy together. We always knew we'd end up together, and we loved each other since we were small. But when our parents saw that things were becoming serious, they decided to talk to us."  
  
Arashi shook his head as if trying to remove the bad memories from his thoughts.  
  
"That was when they revealed to us that, well, we were siblings!" He laughed bitterly as if everything was ironically funny. "Can you imagine how that felt? How everything you believed in suddenly crumbles before you. And you don't know where the lies end and where the truth begins."  
  
Kenji was too shocked to say anything. For a moment, silence enveloped the two men, as each was deep into his own thoughts. Arashi smiled warmly at Kenji.  
  
"Hey man, don't look so down. Thinking of it hurts, but we've both tried and moved on. I lost a girlfriend, but I gained a sister. Last New Year's Eve? The one Shino was talking about? That was the night, that after seventeen years of being with each other, we finally let go. That was our last kiss." Arashi explained quietly.  
  
"Do you still love her? I mean, in THAT way.?" Kenji finally asked.  
  
"She's a part of me, we have the same blood. If I couldn't be her lover, the next best thing is that I would be her brother." Arashi paused. "I still love her. I love her even more. But now, it's on a different level. The way I love her isn't romantic anymore, it's the love of a brother to his dearest sister. Of course there are times we wish things were different, but we've accepted the truth, and we've learned to live with it."  
  
Kenji nodded. "I didn't know. I didn't mean to doubt you. I'm sorry."  
  
Arashi shook his head, causing his straight hair to move about. "Iie. If anyone deserves to know, it's you. I know you two are meant for each other, there's no denying that. Take things slowly, Kaori has a hard head and is really dense. I know she likes you, but right now, she's still denying that fact."  
  
Kenji bowed his head. "Thank you, Arashi, thank you so much."  
  
Arashi patted Kenji's back and nodded. "Hey, what are friends for, right?" his tone became serious and said, "If there's anyone in this world that I would hand her to, I know it's you."  
  
Kenji smiled graciously and stood up to leave. Just as he was about to turn the knob of the door, Arashi interrupted him.  
  
"Take good care of her, Himura. For me." Arashi quietly requested, his back facing the door.  
  
Kenji nodded and left.  
  
  
  
Kaori woke up with a start and looked at the clock on her bedside table.  
  
"Eleven o'clock?! I must've overslept!!" She immediately jumped out of her bed and put on her robe. "I'm late for school!!"  
  
She suddenly realized that today was a Saturday and she collapsed almost immediately back to bed.  
  
"Damn, almost had me fooled."  
  
She was almost snoring when she remembered that today was also the day of the presentation. If she slept now, she would surely oversleep and would keep Kenji hanging.  
  
Why would I care if I left him hanging or not?!  
  
She groggily sat up again and sighed. "I don't have anything to wear."  
  
Whaaa? Why would I worry about what to wear?!  
  
She shook her head and tied her hair into a ponytail. She went down to drink two mugs of coffee and went up again to take a bath. She pulled on a sky blue sweater that matched her eyes, black jeans and sneakers. She put a white and blue bonnet over her head and looked at the time.  
  
"1:50, perfect. " She muttered to herself. Even if she loathed Kenji, she still wanted to keep her word and not be late for the play.  
  
She sighed and sat down on her bed, contemplating on the events in her life.  
  
She thought of Kenji- the slender, red-haired guy that seemed to exude an unlimited amount of kindness towards her. She honestly didn't know what she felt for him. The only emotion she was sure of was that she hated him for his perfection and his goodness. But as the days progress, it seemed more and more difficult for Kaori to hate him. It had been effortless during the first days, but now it seemed like a force was tugging her to the other side. If she let her guard down, she knew she would like him and become distracted. She wouldn't want that.  
  
Her eyes wandered over to her wrist. A blue and white beaded bracelet was tied to it. "Arashi." Kaori whispered. The bracelet was a trinket from him. He had made it for her to give to her on her seventh birthday.  
  
If only circumstances were different, we might still be together, and this Kenji guy wouldn't be driving me crazy.  
  
She had accepted the fact that they can never be together, and she knew their fondness for each other had been raised to the next level- the level of brotherly love.  
  
She focused her attentions back to Kenji. The guy was impossible, she decided. She knew she wanted him out of her hair, but she also knew, in some weird way, that she didn't want him to completely leave her alone.  
  
A car pulled up in front of her house and she looked down through the window to see Kenji getting out of his car to ring the Kamiya's doorbell.  
  
She quickly went downstairs.  
  
Their housekeeper was just letting Kenji in when Yoshi, her younger brother suddenly zoomed in to the hallway.  
  
"Who are you?" Yoshi demanded as Kenji stepped in.  
  
Yoshi had brown hair that was spiked like Shino's. He was wearing a red shirt and wide-legged pants and leather slip-ons. He was shorter than Kenji, but he towered over him at that instant.  
  
"What are you doing here, Yoshi?" Kaori asked her brother. She then turned to Kenji and introduced the two.  
  
"Kenji, this is my brother Yoshi. He's really obnoxious, so don't mind him." Yoshi stuck his tongue out at Kaori.  
  
"So, are you dating busu here?" Yoshi asked again.  
  
Kenji's eyes widened at the kid's candidness. "Oro."  
  
Yoshi eyed Kenji skeptically. "Does Arashi-niichan know about this?"  
  
Kenji squirmed. "Errm.. yes, I think so."  
  
Kaori whacked Yoshi and glowered at him. "Shut up Yoshi-chan. Go play with your stuff."  
  
Yoshi pulled Kaori's hair. "For your information, I am now twelve years old. I am not a 'chan' and I do NOT play with anything anymore! I AM A MAN." He informed her haughtily.  
  
"Yeah, whatever." Kaori waved her hands to dismiss the subject. "Let's go and leave this MAN alone."  
  
Kenji looked over his shoulder and grinned at Yoshi. "You should meet my sister sometime."  
  
"Not if she looks like that busu sister of mine!" Yoshi shouted back jokingly. "I like this guy, Kaori!" He waved and got on the backseat of one of the Kamiya's cars.  
  
The drive to the theater was quiet and Kaori didn't want to Kenji to think that she was warming up to him. No way.  
  
As they were about to go outside after the play, Kaori's eyes lit up as she looked through the glass doors of the building. She tugged at Kenji's polo shirt and pointed to the door.  
  
"Look! It's snowing! Its finally winter!!" She gleefully claimed while still clutching Kenji's shirt.  
  
"I take it you love winters?" Kenji was puzzled at her sudden change in temperament, but it didn't mean that it was unwelcome.  
  
Kaori nodded happily. "She grabbed Kenji's hand and dragged him with her. "Let's go outside! C'mon!"  
  
Kaori trudged over to the snow that was quickly piling up. She took some and threw it at Kenji who had his back to her.  
  
"What the-?!" Kenji turned to face Kaori as another snowball hit him in the face. "Oro!"  
  
  
  
You hit me like I never felt before  
  
Hit me like a sucker punch, you're rotten to the core  
  
You know you hit me like I've never felt before  
  
Silly for the last time  
  
You Never Know Goo Goo Dolls  
  
Kaori laughed hysterically as Kenji tried to wipe the wetness off his face. He smiled at Kaori's tinkly laugh and with one quick movement, threw a snowball at her. It hit her on the shoulder.  
  
"Hey! That's uncalled for!" Kaori hotly complained. "I declare war!" She threw another snowball at Kenji and soon a lot of people have joined their little war.  
  
For Kaori, a part of her was releasing some pent up anger towards Kenji. But a bigger part of her was opening up; a feeling welling over her.  
  
She felt warm inside, even if it's freezing outside.  
  
I wonder, she thought, if he could be.  
  
If she was.  
  
  
  
  
  
*** Yes! My tests are over!! ::does a little dance:: I think I might've gotten a low score on NatSci and maybe a good one in Philo. ::keeping my fingers crossed:: I hope I pass. ( Okay, more tests coming up.. finals are coming up too!!! OHWOW.  
  
So, how was the revelation? Remember, they didn't know they were related before. So forgive them for having a relationship. ( It's not disgusting, or anything I hope. ^_^  
  
Hmmmm.. Finally some good old KnK moments!! But, oh! I'm sorry I have to interrupt the WAFFy moment, cuz Kenji still has to go through the hostile stage. that will make things more interesting, I think. :)  
  
Thank you thank you thank you soooooooo much to the person who suggested that Tsubame and Yahiko should appear in this fic. I've never given them much attention in my other fics so I hope I could do something with them now. ^_^ Thank you ever so much!!  
  
Thank you minna for reading this fic and for suggesting and bearing with my delays and me!! I hope that this fic will turn out the way I planned it to and that you'll all like it. In the meantime. I write and hope what I write is good enough! ^_^ 


	6. Chapter 6 Nice Guys Finish Last

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Six  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah. RK's not mine. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama. I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!.... Don't sue me! ^_^ the song ain't mine either!!  
  
Kaori shook her head.  
  
Him?  
  
Me?  
  
No way!!!  
  
What was I even thinking?  
  
"Um Kenji, I think we should go home now, a big headache seems to be coming my way." Kaori faked a groan and rubbed her temples.  
  
Kenji creased his forehead in worry. "Maybe I hit you too hard."  
  
You could say that again. Kaori thought.  
  
"No, it's nothing." Kaori denied as they walked towards Kenji's car. "I should just take a rest or something."  
  
"Okay, I better take you home, then." Kenji held Kaori's hand and helped her into the car.  
  
This feels good. Kaori found herself thinking.  
  
What am I saying? God.  
  
  
  
Kenji pulled up in front of Kaori's house and for the hundredth time, asked her if she was going to be all right. Kaori felt really sick for deceiving Kenji.  
  
"I'm okay, Kenji. I just need some rest, that's all."  
  
"Okay." Kenji nodded reluctantly. "I guess I'll see you on Monday."  
  
Kaori went inside and sighed. She ALMOST felt guilty for doing such a thing to Kenji.  
  
He deserved it for being Mr. Perfect.  
  
Kaori rushed to her room and heard the phone ringing.  
  
"Moshi moshi?"  
  
"Hey Kaori!" Misao's bubbly voice registered on the phone. "Wanna come with the gang.? We're just gonna walk around in the snow and do whatever."  
  
Kaori smiled. "Yeah, sure. Pick me up?"  
  
"Okay. Should we call Kenji too?"  
  
"No!" Kaori almost shouted. "I mean, no. he might be doing something else with his time."  
  
"Oh, okay. See you in fifteen minutes!" Then Misao put the phone down.  
  
Kaori put the phone down too and looked for her white mittens.  
  
She rushed downstairs to see Yoshi coming in with a girl of his age. She was pretty, with short hair and a somewhat shy air.  
  
"Hey, Yosh." She greeted her brother and ruffled his hair. She turned to the girl beside him. "Hi there"  
  
"Quit messing with my hair, busu!" Yoshi patted his brown hair, but it still remained tousled. "This is Tsubame, my friend. So where are you going again?"  
  
"Hajimemashite, Tsubame-chan!" Kaori sneered at her brother. "None of your business."  
  
Tsubame smiled shyly at Kaori and bowed. "Hajimemashite."  
  
"What do you see in my brother?" Kaori couldn't help herself from teasing Yoshi.  
  
Tsubame turned beet red and bowed her head while Yoshi pulled Kaori's hair.  
  
But Kaori wouldn't stop. "You must be new here, or else you wouldn't go with Yoshi! Hahahaha!!"  
  
Tsubame nodded and quietly said, "Yes, we just moved here from Kyoto. Actually, we live in the same village."  
  
Kaori nodded and smiled. "Well, if my brother here does anything stupid, just tell me so I could whack him, okay?" Kaori immediately liked Tsubame. She would be good for Yoshi, Kaori thought. "Aren't you leaving?" Yoshi pointedly asked Kaori.  
  
"Demo, I better go, I could hear Misao and Shino's bantering from here. Nice meeting you Tsubame-chan!" She stepped out of the house and met the rest of the gang outside.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Kenji was sitting by his window, staring absently at the snowflakes falling down from the heavens. He was also thinking of the short moment he and Kaori shared earlier. Something was there; he knew Kaori couldn't deny that. But still, something's still stopping her from warming up to him.  
  
He was also worried about her headache. Maybe he should call her to make sure she's okay. Or maybe he should come over and see if things were good with her.  
  
A group of teenager caught his eye and somehow, they looked familiar.  
  
"Sou? And Meimi? Misao?" He leaned closer to see if it were really they.  
  
A black haired girl with blue mittens was stomping on the snow, and a tall brown-haired guy was kicking snow on her.  
  
"Kaori?" Kenji almost shouted.  
  
What is she doing out there? Isn't she supposed to be sick?  
  
He could now see her giggling with the rest of the gumi. Her tinkly laugh made his stomach feel queasy.  
  
Kenji felt anger and pain surge over him. She didn't have to lie just to get away from him. She could've told him that she didn't want to be with him.  
  
Why did she have to lie to him in his face?  
  
"Shit." He cursed himself and repeatedly banged his head on the wall. "Shit."  
  
He watched as the gang passed by, until their bodies were as tiny as the snowflakes that were covering his windowsill.  
  
"You want war? I'll give you war." Kenji angrily muttered as he made up his mind to fight fire with fire.  
  
"So, our topic would be "Death Penalty." Professor Kawano was saying. It was a chilly Monday morning and everyone would rather be out in the snow rather than inside the classroom, debating on a topic that was so cliché. At least that was what Kaori thought.  
  
The professor droned surnames of the members of the pro team and Kenji, Arashi and Meimi were on the same team, while Kaori, Shino, Sou and Maki were on the con team.  
  
The debate started, with Kenji opening with a statement. Kaori answered his statement with equal ferocity and soon, the chilly room was heating up with a battle of words and everyone else was getting worked up.  
  
Everyone, the gang particularly, was surprised at Kenji's sudden bravery in front of Kaori. It was almost as if he was challenging her, the way she was challenging him before. Kaori, herself, was shocked at this new side of Kenji and was unable to focus on her attacks. Arashi and the rest of Kaori's team tried to make their points known, but they weren't able to focus on the debate too. They were too distracted with the drama that was unfolding before them.  
  
Kenji and his team, on the other hand, were on a roll, their points were well stated. It was obvious that they would win.  
  
And they did.  
  
Everyone was amazed at how Kenji stood up to Kaori. He hadn't let himself be intimidated by her this time. The class developed a new sense of respect for Kenji, and Kaori was too dumbfounded to think.  
  
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Meimi asked Shino.  
  
Shino smirked. "I think the guy finally had enough."  
  
"Oh well, just as long as there won't be any fights." Misao commented.  
  
The start of a boring week? Definitely not.  
  
The next days of class were like mini-battles and surely, not a single person in class was bored. Exams keep popping up, recitations and seat works were aplenty. But what was more interesting was the fact that Kaori and Kenji were obviously trying to outdo each other in everything. If Kaori got a higher grade in math, Kenji would definitely top a history quiz.  
  
It kept the class on their toes. Everyone was always expecting something else to happen.  
  
"Soon, someone would hold a betting area for those two." Shino joked as the gang watched Kenji and Kaori spar during training.  
  
Arashi shook his head. "Someone should knock some sense into Kaori's head."  
  
"I would." Misao volunteered.  
  
"And I'd talk to Kenji about this." Shino agreed.  
  
Arashi nodded as his gaze fell on a poster pinned to the gym's bulletin board. It was an ad for the coming Winter Dance. Normally, he and Kaori would always go together with the rest of the gumi.  
  
An idea struck his head.  
  
"Misao?"  
  
Misao looked up hopefully. It was, after all, the first time Arashi addressed her personally. "Hai, Arashi-sama?"  
  
"Do you want to go to the dance-"  
  
Misao's jaw dropped.  
  
"-with me?"  
  
"I'd love to." Misao almost immediately answered.  
  
Arashi's eyes lit up. "You would? Thanks."  
  
Misao grinned. "No, thank you."  
  
Arashi smiled slightly and stood up to call for a time-out between Kaori and Kenji who were almost killing each other.  
  
Later that night, Misao and Meimi were hanging out at Misao's room.  
  
"And then he asked me to the dance!" Misao's eyes twinkled as she related the earlier events to the two girls.  
  
"Oh Misao! I'm so happy for you!" Kaori hugged her friend. She was really happy for Misao. If anyone deserved Arashi, it would definitely be her. Of course, there's still some of the pain. But she knew time could heal wounds.  
  
Meimi propped her head up with her hand. "Are you really? Because we all know something went on, whatever that was, and I don't want any hard feelings between you and Misao."  
  
Kaoru shook her head and smiled sincerely. "Iie. I meant everything I said. I'm really happy for you Misao."  
  
"Thank you so much Kaori!!" Misao hugged her two friends. "I'm so happy he finally did something!"  
  
Meimi smiled. "Yeah, about time too!" She turned to Kaori. "Hey, what's up with you and Kenji?"  
  
Misao took her cue. "Yeah, what's up, Kaori? You know you can tell us."  
  
"Nothing." Kaori tried to smile but failed. "Everything!"  
  
"Spill." Meimi leaned closer to her.  
  
"I don't know what happened. When we last talked, he was so sweet and Monday came and he looked ready to charge me like some bull." Kaori bit her lip in confusion. "Why is he doing that?"  
  
Misao chuckled. "And so what? I mean, Kaori, you said it yourself, you hate him. So what if he decides that he hates you too?"  
  
Meimi joined in. "Yeah. It's his right to do to you what you're doing to him. No offense."  
  
"But." Kaori looked as if she was about to cry. "I don't understand. I know I hate him, and that I shouldn't be bothered by what he does or does not do. But still.-"  
  
"Admit it Kaori." Meimi interrupted, unable to take the suspense any longer. "Admit that you like him."  
  
"It'll make all of our lives easier, too!" Misao grinned.  
  
"For one, you say you hate his presence, but when he's not there, you look for him! Don't you deny it, I know you!" Meimi pointed out.  
  
Misao nodded. "Plus when he gave that report, I saw you listening intently to him. If you hated him as much as you say, you wouldn't be caught dead listening to his amazing narration of the Civil War!"  
  
"Three, you've turned down a number of guys. Why didn't you turn Kenji down when he asked you? And don't blame it on us because were always like that with every guy who asks you out!" Meimi was clearly enjoying this.  
  
"You like the guy Kaori, plain and simple. You were right when you said that he is everything you're not. You just couldn't accept the fact that you've found someone who complements you in every aspect. The thought of being able to find the right guy and how you could make it work scares you." Misao lectured.  
  
Kaori started whacking her head with Misao's bokken. "No. no, no nononononono. That is so-"  
  
"True?" Meimi filled for her.  
  
"C'mon Kaori, I could feel the tension between you two in front! And I sit on the back!!!" Misao affirmed.  
  
"How could I have been so blind? All along I've been refusing to accept the fact that I like him. And now he hates me! Aaaaaarghh. How could I make it up to him?"  
  
"Hey, I've got it!" Meimi snapped her fingers. "Why don't you ask him to the dance? I'm sure he's dying to go with you."  
  
Kaori looked hesitant. "Are you sure that will work?"  
  
"Trust us." Misao waggled her eyebrows.  
  
"But what if he turns me down? I mean all the humiliation."  
  
"He won't turn you down!" Misao assured her.  
  
"And if he does," Meimi added, "you would deserve it, from the way you've been treating him since he came here."  
  
Kaori sighed. Inside, she felt anxious and somewhat happy to have known the truth before it was too late.  
  
"Okay. Tomorrow then." She smiled bravely at Misoa and Meimi. "Thanks you guys."  
  
Meimi shrugged. "Okay, now who wants a makeover?"  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Shino and Kenji were having the same kind of talk at the pool hall.  
  
"Man, I'm telling you, get over her." Shino was saying while Kenji stared into space.  
  
"I know. Do you think I should continue what I'm doing?"  
  
"Yeah. She wouldn't fall for the nice guy. She doesn't want to be challenged either. She doesn't like you as you are too! Forget her."  
  
Kenji nodded. "You're right."  
  
"What about the dance?" Shino asked. "You have to take someone or else you'd be the third, ermm.. 7th wheel?"  
  
Kenji grinned. "I know who I'd take. I'd have to fetch her from Kyoto, though. But I guess it'll be good to see her again."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Ah, she's my ex-girlfriend."  
  
"A mystery. I'd love to meet her. Is she anything like Kaori?"  
  
Kenji laughed at this. "Oh, no. they're worlds apart!"  
  
"So does that mean no more suspense and fights in class?" Shino kidded.  
  
"I guess not! From now on, I'd be the indifferent Kenji, the way I was before I met Kaori in school." Kenji promised. "I wouldn't give a damn about her, that's what she wants, right?"  
  
Shino shrugged. "Who knows what women REALLY want?" Shino patted Kenji on the back. "Some of the nicest guys finish last, I realize that now."  
  
"Yeah, well, tough luck for me. wanna play some pool?"  
  
They both laughed and went to one of the pool tables.  
  
  
  
Nice guys finish last; you're running out of gas  
  
Your sympathy will get you left behind.  
  
Sometimes you're at your best when you look the worst.  
  
Nice Guys Finish Last  
  
Green Day  
  
*** Whew.. sorry it took so long for that to come out. This one's pretty long, ne? I didn't mean for it to be long, though. Just flows. Hehe. Guess what? I got a high grade in NatSci! I'm really a contradiction. The more absences I make, the higher my test results become. Cool! Thanks for your wishes for luck, minna!! Muaah! I appreciate them so much.  
  
Oh no, now there's another complication. I mean, when will KnK end up together?! Maybe in chapter 9.? ::hint hint:: But they WILL. I promise! Just some more hindrances.  
  
More soon. I just don't have the energy to type anymore. I just came home from a street-dance workshop. my muscles are soooooooooree. #_#  
  
Please read and review!! Oh, yeah, for those who read Twisted. watch out for a sequel!! :) 'til next chappie!! 


	7. Chapter 7 You Don't Know What You've Got...

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah. RK's not mine. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama. I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!.... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
The next day, Kaori stood waiting for Kenji in front of his locker. She had come to school early, hoping to clear everything with him and make a fresh start. She was really nervous, and she kept crossing her fingers, hoping that Kenji wouldn't reject her.  
  
She looked at her watch. It was almost time for the first bell to ring. She had been waiting for him for an hour.  
  
"What's keeping him?" Kaori angrily muttered to herself.  
  
Kenji walked towards an empty room in school and dialed numbers on his cellphone.  
  
"Kenji?" A feminine voice answered on the fourth ring.  
  
"Umm.. Hey, Tomoe-kun. what's up?"  
  
"Hmmm. what's up Kenji?.."  
  
"Ano. are you free this Saturday?" Kenji asked, almost pleading.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You see Tomoe, it's like this."  
  
Kaori looked up to see Kenji come in to class late. He paused to hand their teacher his hall pass and went over to take his seat. Kaori's eyes followed him.  
  
There's something about him. Something has changed.  
  
Kenji glanced up and caught Kaori staring at him. He looked away and pretended not to notice her. Instead, he peered inside his duffel bag, pretending to look for something.  
  
Something's wrong.  
  
Kaori felt uneasy during the whole period. She wasn't listening to her teacher's interesting lecture on Japanese philosophy. Instead, she was having doubts on whether she should still ask Kenji out. Kenji seemed to be happier today, he seemed to not care for Kaori at all.  
  
"Damn." Kaori muttered under her breath.  
  
Kaori glanced at Meimi's way. Meimi's face seemed to ask her if she's asked him yet. Kaori mouthed the words 'not yet' and slumped in her chair. Meimi frowned at Kaori as if to say, 'you better not chicken out.' Kaori glanced away, pretending not to understand.  
  
After what seemed like an entire year to Kaori, their class was finally over. The next professor hadn't come in yet. Kaori gathered all the courage she could muster and went over to where Kenji was seated. She could feel Meimi and Misao's eyes on her back, watching her, supporting her.  
  
Kaori took a deep breath. "Kenji?"  
  
Kenji looked up from his paper, then looked down again.  
  
This is not good Kaori thought.  
  
"Yeah?" Kenji asked rather a bit coldly.  
  
"Um, I just, uh, wanted to apologize for making us leave so early last Saturday." Kaori babbled. "I feel better, if that makes any difference."  
  
Kenji smiled a fake smile at Kaori. "Well, good for you. I guess RESTING and STAYING INDOORS did the trick, ne?" Kenji stared at Kaori in the eye.  
  
Kaori could feel herself blushing hotly. Shit.  
  
"Aa." She smiled weakly. "I sure followed your advice!"  
  
Kenji kept on writing his paper, acting as though Kaori wasn't there and the conversation had ended.  
  
Kaori leaned closer, ignoring the questioning look coming from Soujirou who was sitting beside Kenji.  
  
"Um, Kenji.?" She tried again.  
  
"What is it this time, Kaori?" He answered without looking up.  
  
Kaori automatically winced as if she had been slapped. She took a deep breath, swallowed all of her pride and asked,  
  
"Are you going to the, uh, dance thingie?"  
  
Aw man.  
  
Kenji's attention was piqued and he looked at her. "Yeah, why?"  
  
Here goes.  
  
"Doyouwanttocometothedancewithme?  
  
"Nani?!" Kenji frowned in confusion. To Kaori it seemed like he was thinking that she was wasting his time.  
  
But Kenji had heard her alright, and 'nani' was all he can do to buy time. She was asking him. this was what he had waited for all along. She was ASKING him!!!  
  
What do I do?! Kenji frantically thought.  
  
Do I swallow my pride again?  
  
Do I stick to my word?  
  
Help!  
  
Kaori reddened even more and started speaking slower this time. "Do you, uh, want to come to the dance with, er, me?" She looked up at him, her blue eyes shining with hope and pleading for a second chance.  
  
Kenji looked away, it was all he could do to stop himself from making the same mistake again.  
  
To Kaori, it was a sign that she had lost something. Someone.  
  
"I'm sorry Kaori, I'm already taking someone else." Kenji pretended to be concentrating on his paper again.  
  
"Oh." Kaori's eyes dimmed, her smile faltered and her voice almost cracked. "Oh."  
  
Soujirou, hearing some of the conversation, couldn't help but butt in.  
  
"Ne, Himura, you just wasted an opportunity! Bad for you!" He turned to Kaori, smiling his usual cheerful smile. "But, good for me! I've been meaning to ask you to the dance Kaori! Now that I've got the chance, what do you say? Would you do me the honor?"  
  
Kaori looked up, she was really grateful for Soujirou's interference, and for saving her from total humiliation.  
  
She smiled, a genuine smile this time. "Why, I'd love to, Sou!" She turned to Kenji, "Have fun at the dance! We'll see you and your date too!"  
  
Sou turned to Kenji and teasingly bragged. "Sorry man, I've got the girl. Maybe you could do better next time."  
  
Kenji grinned and looked down again.  
  
Kaori inwardly sucked her breath at the thought of Kenji with someone else.  
  
She walked away, faster and faster, away from the prying eyes of Meimi and Misao. Away from Kenji, who had hurt her far more than he could imagine.  
  
She felt even worse, because she knew, she deserved everything that was happening to her.  
  
Kaori didn't cry. She didn't dare shed a single tear for what she had lost.  
  
She wasn't about to cry now, either. But seeing Yoshi with Tsubame outside in the snow made her feel sad. Tonight was also the night of the dance. Arashi and Misao had been getting along very well lately, too. Shino and Meimi were the same, sweet and sour.  
  
She actually had no right to complain. Sou had been really sweet. He really bought them tickets to the dance end made arrangements with Kaori. It's going to be fun, Sou had said, they were going to spend the whole night laughing and drinking and dancing. Kaori had to agree. It was better to go with someone you're really comfortable with, anyway.  
  
It's just that she couldn't help but think how things would've turned out if she hadn't been so stupid to push Kenji away.  
  
She sighed and started to get ready. Since the dance was a formal one, with tuxedos required and ball gowns, Kaori decided to wear a white tube- style dress with a ball-gown type of skirt. Near the hemline were embroidered gold cherry blossoms. She had her hair held up. A pair of white arm-length gloves and a diamond necklace from her mom completed the ensemble.  
  
When Soujirou came to pick her up later, the first thing he said was, "Wow! You look like a snow princess!"  
  
Kaori laughed at this. Soujirou looked stunning himself. She made sure to tell him that. The ride had been pleasant and comfortable as predicted.  
  
When they arrived at the ballroom, students were already milling around, some were dancing and some were sampling the buffet.  
  
Sou and Kaori immediately spotted Meimi, who was dressed in a cleavage revealing, hot-red halter dress with sequins and beads strewn on the hem and the skirt area. No wonder she was the center of attention. Misao also looked stunning, her eyes shone brightly as she talked to Arashi. Misao was wearing a silvery-blue corset that almost matched Arashi's eyes with a royal blue ball gown.  
  
Soujirou and Kaori approached everyone and said hellos and compliments. Everyone was looking gorgeous.  
  
Kaori looked around, Kenji and his date hadn't arrived yet.  
  
Soujirou took her hand and grinned. "Wanna dance?"  
  
Kaori nodded. "Sure."  
  
As they made their way to the dance floor, a hush fell over the ballroom as everyone turned to look at the persons approaching the dance floor.  
  
Kaori held her breath as she spotted Kenji, looking glamorous in his tux.  
  
And there she was.  
  
Kaori felt her heart constrict as she saw her. Kenji was holding her hand, leading her to the dance floor.  
  
She looked. what could Kaori say?  
  
She looked utterly divine. Beautiful. Graceful. Sophisticated.  
  
Kaori felt the whole ballroom spinning and felt Sou's strong hands steady her.  
  
"Are you okay, Kaori?" Sou peered at her paling face.  
  
Kaori managed a weak smile. "Oh, I'm fine Sou. Let's continue dancing."  
  
On the corner of her eye, Kaori observed this girl. She looked divine in her one-shoulder black ball dress. Except for the silver beads at the side of her skirt, her dress was simple. Her hair was done in a way that one half was held up and the other half cascading down her back.  
  
Even her hair is graceful, Kaori noticed.  
  
In contrast to Kaori's white gloves, the beautiful girl had on black gloves and a diamond bracelet.  
  
Kaori concentrated on her face. No, it was an insult to call her a girl. She was a woman. A woman in every way.  
  
Her eyes looked mysterious, her beautiful features expressing a certain enigma about her. Her aura breathed sophistication beyond Kaori's level, even if they walk on the same circles.  
  
It was really fine with Kaori even if she looked a thousand times prettier than her, or she has everything.  
  
If she has everything but Kenji.  
  
It would be okay. It wouldn't matter.  
  
But the woman had Kenji.  
  
It did matter. It wasn't okay.  
  
She wasn't okay.  
  
They looked so natural together. Like they fit each other perfectly.  
  
Soujirou's hands tightened around her, giving her more comfort, comfort she needed so badly. "Don't look Kaori, it'll only make you feel worse."  
  
Kaori tried to hide her pain. "Whatever made you say that? I'm fine, Sou. Don't worry about me."  
  
Soujirou looked at Kaori in the eye. Kaori looked away, not being able to hold his stare.  
  
"See?" Soujirou squeezed Kaori's hands. "I'm your friend Kaori, I know when you hurt. And I want to be there to comfort you."  
  
"Thanks Sou." Kaori whispered, leaning her head on his shoulders. "Thank you."  
  
  
  
"Hey, stop pushing!" Misao grunted at Shino.  
  
They were having their pictures taken and everyone was trying to squeeze inside the couple-sized booth. Everyone was laughing while trying to push each other.  
  
Only Kaori and Kenji felt awkward. Kenji hadn't introduced his girl to the gang yet, and Kaori felt that he couldn't escape what was yet to come.  
  
After the picture taking, Kenji introduced his date to the gang.  
  
Everyone suddenly felt awkward. Their eyes shifted from Kaori to the girl beside Kenji then to Kenji.  
  
"Minna, this is Yukishiro Tomoe." Kenji proceeded to announce everyone's names, putting Kaori on the last of the list.  
  
Everyone bowed and waved their hands at her and smiled. They still felt uncomfortable, though.  
  
Tomoe smiled mysteriously and nodded to all of them. "It's a pleasure to meet you all." She bowed gracefully.  
  
"So, Tomoe, how are you related to Kenji?" Shino asked.  
  
Meimi instantly kicked Shino's leg at his stupid question. Shino let out a yelp and looked at Meimi questioningly. Obviously, Shino had forgotten that Tomoe was Kenji's girlfriend. Everyone else knew that except for Kaori.  
  
"Uh," Tomoe began, sensing the uneasiness of the gang. She looked at Kenji for help.  
  
Kenji saw no point in getting worked up over this detail. Kaori didn't like him. she surely didn't care if he had brought his past here.  
  
"She was my girlfriend back in Kyoto."  
  
Kaori stiffened. Soujirou squeezed her hand.  
  
"Oh." Shino barely whispered, feeling extremely guilty for his carelessness. Everyone became quiet for a while.  
  
Arashi went up to Sou and asked him if they could switch partners. Sou nods and Arashi leads Kaori away from the table.  
  
"Thanks." Kaori whispered to Arashi as soon as they were in a safe distance.  
  
"No prob." Arashi smiled as he and Kaori swayed to the music. "You look beautiful, like a snow princess."  
  
Kaori pulled away and laughed. "You're the second person who told me that!" She could feel the tension slipping away from her body and finally relaxing as she held onto Arashi's strong arms.  
  
"You know what? You shouldn't give him up that easily." Arashi murmured.  
  
Kaori bit her lip, trying to stop the tears from flowing. "I can't. It's too late."  
  
"It's never too late. Never, Kaori. You should know that." Arashi shook his head firmly.  
  
Kaori sighed. She changed the subject. "Misao looks really beautiful tonight."  
  
"Yeah, she is beautiful."  
  
Arashi closed his eyes, inhaling the scent of Kaori's hair. He spoke again.  
  
"Just try again, okay, Kaori? Give it another try."  
  
With that, he led her to Soujirou and danced off with Misao.  
  
  
  
"So, who is she?"  
  
Kenji looked at Tomoe, confused. "Huh?"  
  
"Her? The beautiful one in the white dress. She's very pretty," Tomoe stated.  
  
"Yeah, she IS pretty." Kenji agreed.  
  
"So. what about her?" Tomoe urged Kenji.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"I know you too well." Tomoe smiled. "C'mon, tell me. I could feel the tension between you too. I know everyone felt it too."  
  
Kenji kept his mouth shut.  
  
"Hmmm. you don't want to tell me, so I'll be the one to tell you. You like her, don't you Kenji?" Tomoe almost smiled at the sight of Kenji squirming. "Don't squirm, it gives you away." She added jokingly.  
  
"Since when are you the greatest teacher on love, Tomoe?" Kenji kidded. "When I left Kyoto, you were as serious as hell. You didn't even want to say good bye to me."  
  
"Since you left Kyoto, things have been hard-" Tomoe corrected him, stopping herself almost immediately.  
  
Kenji nodded. "Gomen nasai. Gomen nasai for hurting you."  
  
Tomoe smiled at him. "Iie. If anything, you've made me stronger. To be honest, when you called me just this week, I had a tiny bit of hope in me that we could pick up where we left off." She paused and smiled. "But when I saw you looking at her when she wasn't looking at you. And the way she was looking at you when she thought you weren't, I don't know. I think I saw love there."  
  
Kenji shook his head. "She doesn't care for me, Tomoe."  
  
"And you thought you could show her that couldn't care less either by bringing me here?"  
  
"No! That's not true." Kenji vehemently denied.  
  
Tomoe smiled again. Her beautiful face looked like that of an angel's.  
  
"Take me back to my hotel, Kenji. After you do that, come back for Kaori. She cares for you Kenji." She put a shushing finger on Kenji's mouth before he could interrupt. "And don't ever let her go, okay? "  
  
"Because once you do, you can never get them back." She whispered to herself, almost regretfully.  
  
Kenji looked at Tomoe's kind and understanding eyes. She was something else. He leaned across the table to kiss her one last time.  
  
"Ken-"  
  
Kaori stopped herself as she saw Tomoe and Kenji were staring at each other intently. Then suddenly, right before Kaori's eyes, he kissed Tomoe, softly at first and then deeper...  
  
"-ji."  
  
Don't it always seems to go  
  
That you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone?  
  
Janet Jackson  
  
Got 'Til It's Gone  
  
*** Why do I keep writing looooooooong chapters? Is it because Between Love and Hate is ending soon.? ::hint hint:: I hope you guys liked this one..  
  
I tried to give justice to Tomoe, I really did. But this is the first time I've included her in my fics and I'm really not used to using her. Eh?! And as for the dress, No, Black and White don't signify Bad and Good.  
  
I used black for Tomoe because she is sophisticated, a classic. She's a woman.  
  
I used white for Kaori to signify innocence and coming out into the real world.  
  
Meimi is in red cuz she's HOT!  
  
Misao is in silvery-blue. because. of Arashi, of course! :)  
  
I've been analyzing too many poems, I suppose. I'm using symbolism already! ^_*  
  
Till chapter nine/ten minna!! Wait for the sequel of Twisted!! ^_^ Please reaview! I love you guys! :)  
  
Erm.. to Elaine. nope.. not based on my life anymore. hehe. but I guess Kenji was mean to Kaori b/c Yoshi is being mean to me now. I dunno.. :)  
  
To Kenta Divina. If you like a Kaoru/Aoshi pairing.. you could read my other fic, Mirai. it's a love triangle. ^_^ 


	8. Chapter 8 What Do You REALLY Want, Kaori...

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah. RK's not mine. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama. The soong too! Incubus owns it. I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!.... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
Kaori had asked Soujirou to take her home. Sou willingly obliged and not a word was said on the way home. He sensed that something had happened to make Kaori feel this bad.  
  
After Sou pulled up in front of the Kamiya house, he looked at Kaori, his smiling eyes unusually serious.  
  
"Look, Kaori, I know you think she's way better than you and that you can't compete or something." Sou paused and started to smile.  
  
"But Kaori, I want you to know that for us, no one else can come close. Screw Kenji if he can't see that."  
  
Kaori returned the grin and hugged Soujirou tightly. "Ne, Sou, no one can compare to you either."  
  
Sou wiped the tears that were spilling from Kaori's eyes and returned to his normal, cheerful self. "Get some sleep now. Snow Princesses shouldn't tire themselves out." He joked.  
  
Soujirou got out and opened Kaori's door for her and they walked towards their gate. "Thanks Sou. you really came through for me." Kaori gratefully said as they hugged again.  
  
"It's nothing. We're friends. Friends always come through for each other." He smiled and curtseyed. "Oyasumi nasai!"  
  
Kaori watched Soujirou's car pull back as he honked goodbye.  
  
Without stopping to think, she let out the flood of tears that were threatening to fall a lot earlier.  
  
  
  
Later that night, or early morning, after Kenji dropped Tomoe off at her hotel, he drove around their village. He couldn't think straight, he felt he had to do something to make things right. He wouldn't be able to sleep that night if he didn't talk to Kaori.  
  
He and Tomoe had somehow come upon the conclusion that their relationship was really over. Tomoe didn't want to be in a relationship with a man who was in love with someone else, no matter how much she loved Kenji. It was unfair for her, unfair to Kenji and unfair to Kaori.  
  
Kenji wanted so much to believe that letting go of Tomoe was the right thing to do. He let go of something huge in his life, for something that was uncertain and unknown to him.  
  
Somehow, he felt, even at 1:30 in the morning, Kaori would still be awake. He parked his car in front of the empty lot beside Kaori's house. He suddenly laughed quietly when he remembered that he didn't know which was Kaori's bedroom.  
  
"Man." Kenji kicked a stray pebble as he contemplated on what to do next.  
  
He couldn't just make a wild guess and throw a pebble at one of the windows. That would be plain stupid. Who knows if it was her parents' room he was aiming for?  
  
He fished his cellphone out of his pocket and hit the speed dial button of Arashi's number.  
  
"Kenji?" Arashi's puzzled voice sounded over the phone. "What's up, man? Anything wrong?"  
  
"No. not really. Well, er." Kenji felt dumb at doing this. "Do you happen to know which window in the house is Kaori's? I, uh, need to, uh-"  
  
"Oh, is that all?" Arashi's knowing voice immediately lightened. "Her window's on the second floor with the smaller terrace. Right below the big one. Be careful, though, her parents' bedroom is directly above her room."  
  
"Thanks man!" Kenji felt relieved at Arashi's help. "Talk to you soon."  
  
"Ja."  
  
Kenji put his phone back and stared at the window above him. he could easily climb to it, but then what to do after that?  
  
Will she let him in? Only one way to find out, he thought. Kenji started to climb and pretty soon, he was on the terrace.  
  
"I could be arrested for doing this." Kenji muttered to himself. Good thing the Kamiyas haven't thought of putting security cameras all over their house yet.  
  
Kenji peeped through the sliding doors to see Kaori's back on the door. She was under her covers and her hair was all over.  
  
"There's really something about her." Kenji whispered.  
  
He gently knocked on the glass and surprisingly, Kaori immediately turned around and snapped out of sleep.  
  
"Whaaa?!" She got out of bed and ran towards the sliding doors, not willing to believe that there's a person there. "Kenji?!"  
  
Kenji blushed hotly, realizing that it was a REALLY STUPID IDEA in the first place. What would he tell her? He was strolling along and he came upon her beautifully made balcony? "Er. can I talk to you?"  
  
Kaori was still stunned but let him in and made him sit on the carpeted floor. "What do you want? Why aren't you with your girlfriend?" She had said the world 'girlfriend' in a way that it seemed to leave a bad taste in her mouth.  
  
"She's not my girlfriend." Kenji vehemently denied. "Actually she-"  
  
"Yeah, whatever." Kaori interrupted him. "What do you want, Himura?"  
  
Kenji took a deep breath and spoke.  
  
"I want you, Kaori."  
  
Kaori looked up, amazed.  
  
"Is that too much to ask?" Kenji seemed to have regained his courage.  
  
Kaori wanted so badly to tell him it was what she wanted too, but pride got in the way.  
  
"What about Tomoe?" She hotly asked him.  
  
"What about her?" Kenji was confused.  
  
"What? You think you could kiss her like that and then go to my house and tell me you want me? That's funny Kenji." Kaori exploded, unable to keep her jealousy intact.  
  
"Are you jealous? And, wait, were you peeping on us?!" Kenji exploded too. "It wasn't what it seemed, Kaori, plea-"  
  
Kaori laughed, the same sarcastic laugh she used on Kenji too often. "What? You think I'm jealous? WHY should I be JEALOUS? I DON'T give a DAMN on what the hell it is that you do with your life. In fact, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU AT ALL!!! Why don't you just get the hell out of my life?!"  
  
That wasn't right. No, that wasn't right at all. Kaori immediately thought.  
  
Kenji felt his heart being pounded into a thousand tiny pieces. He quickly stood up and went over to where he came from.  
  
"Where are you going?" Kaori indignantly asked, a dreaded feeling sinking in.  
  
Kenji turned to look at her, violet eyes facing blue ones. "I think I got my answer so I'm going to leave now. Don't worry, I won't be in your way anymore."  
  
He left, leaving Kaori shivering in the coldness of the snowy air.  
  
Not right, so not right. Kaori thought, unable to find the strength to stand up and close the glass doors.  
  
  
  
I haven't felt the way I feel today  
  
In so long it's hard for me to specify  
  
I'm beginning to notice how much this feels  
  
Like a waking limb, pins and needles, nice to know you  
  
Goodbye, nice to know you  
  
Goodbye, nice to know you  
  
So could it be that it has been there all along?  
  
Nice to Know You  
  
Icubus  
  
  
  
Kenji wasn't in class when Monday came by.  
  
Nor was he in on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.  
  
Friday came and the gumi was really worried.  
  
Kaori was agitated. She was also really sorry for what she had said to him. She was really sorry for all the pain she had caused him, for all the harsh words she had said.  
  
She was so so sorry. For all the time she wasted, and for all the moments that had passed.  
  
If only she could have him back.  
  
"Where is he?" Misao asked Kaori for the Nth time.  
  
"I don't know." Kaori answered irritably. "I tried calling his house, but their housekeeper kept saying that he was out on some important affair. I don't know what to do anymore."  
  
"You shouldn't have pushed him away. Now he's out of reach and you're fretting." Meimi answered rather reproachfully.  
  
Kaori almost cried. "I know that too."  
  
"Stop it foxy, you shouldn't blame Kaori for all of these." Shino interjected.  
  
"Yeah, and who was it that advised Kenji into bringing his ex-girlfriend to the dance?" Meimi shot back.  
  
"Quiet, you guys." Soujirou frowned at them. "This is no time to fight over whose fault it is."  
  
Arashi agreed with Sou. "Yeah, Sou's right. We should just wait. If Kenji wants to be back, he will be back."  
  
Kaori quietly slipped out of the coffee shop and rushed to her car.  
  
  
  
"Hey, busu, can you come with me to the mall?" Yoshi said as Kaori stepped into their house.  
  
Kaori stared blankly at Yoshi as she tried to comprehend what he was saying. Without thinking, she said yes.  
  
"Yatta!" Yoshi scratched his head, took his coat and they went outside again. "Is there something wrong with you busu? You seem, I don't know, a bit off today."  
  
"Nothing." Kaori automatically answered without thinking.  
  
"Okay. if you say so."  
  
As they were leaving the mall with Yoshi's packages, they bumped into Tsubame. Kaori absently waited as the two talked. She suddenly dropped everything she was carrying when she saw a familiar red-headed guy behind the girl Yoshi was talking to.  
  
"Kenji?" Kaori blinked as if to clear her vision.  
  
Yoshi and Tsubame looked at Kaori, who was paling and then to Kenji who looked trapped.  
  
Tsubame spoke first. "Ne, Kaori-san, this is my niichan, Kenji." She held his hand to present to Kaori.  
  
Kaori nodded at Tsubame, still looking at Kenji.  
  
"Um, Tsubame-chan, we should get going now." Kenji took her hand and led her away. "It was nice seeing you again, Yoshi!"  
  
Before anyone else could say a word, Kenji and Tsubame were gone.  
  
"What was that all about?" Yoshi turned to Kaori, in search for an answer. "I thought you knew Kenji was Tsubame's brother?"  
  
"I. I didn't know. " Kaori stated simply. "I didn't know."  
  
  
  
  
  
A week had passed and Kenji still didn't come to school. Kaori couldn't understand it. Why was he not attending classes? Why wasn't he returning any of their calls?  
  
Why did he have to come into her life and leave when she needed him the most?  
  
  
  
Yoshi came barging into the kitchen, glaring at Kaori.  
  
"Happy now?"  
  
"What?" Kaori asked Yoshi.  
  
"I said, are you happy now?" Yoshi angrily repeated. "You got what you wanted, didn't you?"  
  
"I don't think I know what you're talking about."  
  
"Oh you do." He answered bitterly. "You know very well what I'm talking about. They're leaving as of now, if you want to know."  
  
Panic seeped through Kaori's being. "Who? Who's leaving? Where?"  
  
Yoshi raised an eyebrow. "You mean to tell me you didn't know?"  
  
"Stop playing word games Yoshi. What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"Tsubame and Kenji. She said goodbye earlier. She said her niichan told her that they will go back to their parents in Kyoto now that their newly established business here in Tokyo is stable. He said there was no more reason for them to stay."  
  
Kaori sat, frozen.  
  
"She left me Kaori. And it's all because of you! Kenji had told her they were staying, but now, because of you, he will have to leave and Tsubame has to go with him!" Yoshi looked almost close to tears.  
  
"I drove him away." Kaori whispered.  
  
"Then bring him back, goddamnit!" Yoshi pounded the tabletop. "For once, Kaori, be the smart girl you claim to be!"  
  
Kaori shrugged listlessly. "Why don't we just let them go, Yoshi?"  
  
"I can't allow you to do that. The only way I could bring Tsubame back is if you bring Kenji back. Help me out, Kaori! I'm really desperate here." Yoshi pleaded.  
  
Kaori felt a sense of hope rush back to her.  
  
Maybe Arashi was right, it was never too late.  
  
"Okay, let's go."  
  
  
  
*** Ah! :) Whaddya think? I hope it was good too. ^_^  
  
I'm sorry Tomoe only had to make a quick appearance. I was thinking that maybe she could be the one to bring Kaori back to Kenji, but that's just a bit. cliché.? I don't know. it's just really kinda martyr-like for you to let go of your man and push him into the arms of another. Not realistic, I guess. ^_^  
  
As for the slow pace. I just wanted to dwell on Kaori's loss. I mean, I wanted to capture all of their emotions and such. I hope you guys don't mind. :)  
  
Sorry if I'm kinda lethargic. I guess you could say I'm having a bad night. But I hope you guys are having better ones!  
  
Thanks for all those who have read this and reviewed. all those who texted me and stuff. thank you very much, minna! Writing is my passion, and you guys make me feel like I'm doing something right. ^_^  
  
Mia from Ateneo. One big fight!!! ^_^ UP is with AdMU!!! Hehehe.. Elaine. thanks for reading!! I can't reply cuz I have no more load. huhu.  
  
Major papers are flooding me so it might take a little longer for me to post the last ::sniff sniff:: Chappie.. so I hope you guys can bear with me.. Love y'all! 


	9. Chapter 9 Goodbye To You

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah. RK's not mine. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama. I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!.... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
"So where exactly are we going?" Yoshi closed the door on his side of the car and glanced at Kaori questioningly.  
  
Kaori stared unseeingly into the driveway. She wanted to take Kenji back. She wanted him back more than anything.  
  
"I don't know." Kaori bit her lip and closed her eyes for a while. "Maybe we should try checking out his house first, and then see what we're going to do from there."  
  
"Okay, let's go."  
  
"Himura-san and his sister left thirty minutes ago, I'm sorry." The maid shrugged apologetically at them, seeing Kaori's face almost crumple.  
  
Kaori clutched her arms tightly to keep herself from falling down the floor.  
  
Why is this happening to me?  
  
"Oh." Kaori nodded absently.  
  
Yoshi asked for their flight information and politely thanked the housekeeper.  
  
"C'mon. Let's go, Kaori." Yoshi urged Kaori, who seemed to be stuck on the steps. "Kaori, come on." 1  
  
Kaori mechanically followed Kaori back to the car. Snow was falling around them, making Kaori's slow steps pudgy.  
  
"Where to?" Yoshi almost shouted at Kaori's ear. He had asked that question almost three times already.  
  
Kaori shook her head. "Can we just go home?" She asked quietly.  
  
Yoshi grabbed Kaori's arm and shook her. "What the hell is wrong with you Kaori? Where's the girl who knew how to get what she wants?! Talk to me Kaori! Everything's at stake here!"  
  
Kaori looked at Yoshi straight in the eye and sighed.  
  
"Please, Yoshi? I just want to give up and go home." Kaori choked.  
  
"No, Kaori. We have to go now."  
  
Kaori shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. "What? Suppose we reach them, what do I tell him? Do you honestly think that what I tell him could make him stay?!" Kaori slammed her hands on the wheel.  
  
"Shut up and drive Kaori. Whatever happens, at least you can say you did something to make him stay." Yoshi lectured Kaori furiously and continued.  
  
"You lost Arashi. There was nothing you can do about that. But there IS something you can do about Kenji."  
  
"Come on, Kaori. Give him a reason to stay."  
  
Kaori nodded and without a word, she gunned the engine and started for the airport.  
  
Somehow, she couldn't shake off the feeling that this was going to be a long and unfruitful ride.  
  
  
  
As they reached the airport, Kaori and Yoshi hurried towards the schedules and learned that Kenji and Tsuabame's flight was already boarding. Yoshi, knowing that they can't go in that area, tried to shout for Tsubame's name when he saw her in the line.  
  
Tsubame turned around quickly and looked for the source of the voice. A grin spread on her face as she let go of her bag and clutched Kenji's shirtsleeve.  
  
"Look, nii-chan! It's Yoshi! And Kaori-niichan's with him!" Tsubame got out of the line and ran towards Yoshi.  
  
Kenji instantly looked up, his features brightened at the sight of Kaori and dimmed almost immediately.  
  
He stared at Kaori, not knowing what to do. In the midst of all the people and the rush, the world for them seemed to keep still.  
  
Kaori was amazed she even found the strength to meet Kenji halfway.  
  
As soon as they were face to face, Kaori looked intently at Kenji.  
  
She was trying to memorize his features, his laughing eyes that seemed to be haggard now, and his red hair, everything about him. She wanted so badly to remember, in case she wouldn't be seeing him again.  
  
How could I have missed it before?  
  
How could I have been so stupid?  
  
"Hey." Kenji greeted her tonelessly.  
  
"Hey." Kaori nodded awkwardly. "So you're leaving, huh?"  
  
Kenji shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so." He seemed distracted by the line that was piling up now.  
  
Kaori traced the floor with the toes of her sneakers. "You didn't even say goodbye." She kept her eyes glued to the floor, not knowing what to say and how to say it.  
  
"There's nothing more left for us to do here. Kyoto is our home." Kenji stated simply.  
  
Kaori could feel desperation seeping in. "But you can't leave." She argued weakly. "What about Yoshi and Tsubame? Yoshi needs Tsubame, she's made him better."  
  
Kenji smiled almost bitterly.  
  
Come on, Kaori, just say the word and I'll stay.  
  
"Well, they're both still young, don't you think? I think Yoshi can wait, and so can Tsubame. She can always return to him."  
  
Kaori nodded dumbly, biting her lip so hard it almost bled.  
  
I guess she's just not ready to admit her feelings at all.  
  
"So I guess we'll be going now that we've said goodbye." Kenji started to walk away.  
  
"But why?"  
  
Kaori barely whispered.  
  
Kenji stopped in his tracks and slowly turned to face her. Hope was slowly stirring up in him.  
  
Tears glistened in Kaori's eyes as they slowly fell on her cheeks.  
  
Kenji looked away.  
  
"Isn't this what you wanted?" Kenji replied without looking at her. " Me out of your life?"  
  
"I.. I was stupid, Kenji. I didn't see how much you meant to me until I saw you and... and Tomoe kissing. I'm sorry." Kaori stammered her explanation. She finally got the strength to look up to face Kenji who still looked immovable.  
  
Kenji merely nodded.  
  
What does it all mean, Kaori? What is in there that would change things between us?  
  
Kaori felt her whole world crashing down on her. There was nothing more she can do.. Nothing more she can say, she thought. She could feel a new round of tears coming. She didn't want him to see her like this.  
  
Moreover, Kaori still had her pride. No way was she going to plead him to stay if he didn't want to.  
  
"Well, I guess that's all I have to say." Kaori managed a weak smile and started backing off. "I just wanted you to know how I felt.. before you..before you left. That, and, well,..  
  
.. goodbye."  
  
Kaori quickly walked away before Kenji could see her face crumple and her heart shatter into a million pieces.  
  
So this is how it feels to lose someone you love...  
  
Kenji watched her walk away, fighting the urge to just stay there and cry his heart out. He took a sharp breath and started walking back to the line. He wanted to run after her more than anything else.  
  
But how could he when there was nothing left for him here?  
  
Couldn't she see?  
  
She'd said a lot of words, explained a lot of things to him.  
  
But couldn't she see?  
  
She didn't give him a single reason to stay.  
  
Goodbye to you  
  
Goodbye to everything  
  
I thought I knew  
  
You were the one I loved  
  
The one thing that  
  
I tried to hold on to  
  
Goodbye To You  
  
Michelle Branch  
  
***  
  
Man, I am sooooooooo sooooooo sorry this one took a reaaaaaaalllllllllly long time to come out. I've been extremely busy these past weeks. Gomen, gomen.. And life has been really wacky. ;)  
  
Anyway, there are lots of good news! First, it's my sem break!! Yahoo!!!  
  
::throws confetti and dances around the PC::  
  
So I think I'll be able to write the last chapter of this fic, Saving the Best For Last and maybe even Mirai. Plus maybe I could start working on the sequel to Twisted. ^__^  
  
But the bad news is that we're transferring to another house.. And I have to pack all my stuff.. And soooooooo many things to do.. so I dunno which one I'll do first!!! :0  
  
::kawaii wails::  
  
Another good news is that, as you have observed, I didn't end this fic here! It was originally meant to end here, with Kenji staying and all.. but since you guys didn't want it to end just yet, hey, we could extend it! :) Hope that was good. I know this one's short, but there wasn't anything more they can do.. Hehehe..  
  
The bad news is that I think I'm undergoing some kind of writer's block. The thing is, it's not due to lack of inspiration.. but due to some inspiration! I can't write tragedy and sad stuff because I'm happy!! Help me out you guys! :p I can't see drama in my life right now!!  
  
Oh, yeah, to those who sent me text messages and mailed me.. I am so eternally grateful to all of you!! I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply to some.. I ran out of credits as always!!! and I promise to be a diligent writer and a good one at that! These are all for you minna.  
  
Last. check out Silver-Neko's website. it's uber cool. http://www.kenshin.isgreat.net/ Hehe. it's got Saving the Best for Last and some of my other fics, I think. ^_^  
  
Domo arigatou minna for keeping on reading my stuff and commenting and everything! You guys simply ROCK MY WORLD!!! That is so true!! Thank you. thank you. Xie xie!!  
  
::kawaii bows:: 


	10. Chapter 10a Breakdown

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Ten  
  
Part One  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah. RK's not mine. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama. I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!.... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
  
  
Well, if you're happy then I'm blue 'Cause I'm not so far, but not with you And I can't see, why we can't see each other I telephone but you're sleeping forever  
  
"Kaori?"  
  
"Ne, Yoshi?"  
  
Yoshi peered into Kaori's tear-streaked face and sighed. She hadn't spoken a word since they left the airport, nor had she made any attempt to wipe the tears that were constantly flowing out of her eyes.  
  
He was REALLY worried now.  
  
"Do you want to stop somewhere and talk about it?"  
  
Kaori shook her head without even turning to look at Yoshi. "Iie."  
  
"What do you feel Kaori? Tell me." Yoshi put some force into his words, hoping to get through to her.  
  
But Kaori just shook her head, pretending to focus on driving. The snow was coming down a bit too strong now and it took some effort and slow driving to be able to get through. In Yoshi's opinion, Kaori shouldn't even be driving at this state, and at her state.  
  
"Kaori, please, I'm worried about you." Yoshi was now pleading. "Please stop crying. Please Kaori..?"  
  
Kaori suddenly turned on an empty parking space and stepped on the breaks.  
  
She buried her face in her hands and started to sob loudly. Her whole body trembled as she cried. Yoshi removed his seat belt and hugged her tightly as if to keep her from falling apart and breaking into pieces.  
  
"Ssshh niichan.. It's going to be okay." Yoshi stroked her back in a big brotherly way. "It's going to be okay." He repeated.  
  
Kaori broke the hug and stared at Yoshi like a lost girl. "But it's not. Can't you see? He left. He's gone. I pushed him away."  
  
She choked back the words and a fresh round of tears spilled on her cheeks.  
  
"I hated him, I loved him.. I didn't know what I wanted. And now that I do, he's never coming back." Kaori furiously wiped her face with the back of her hand. "It's all my fault."  
  
Yoshi didn't know what to say. Sure, he and Kaori were siblings and he cared for her more than he would ever admit, but he never really knew the extent of the happenings between Kaori and Kenji.  
  
He wasn't aware how much Kaori loved Kenji.  
  
"You didn't know how much you loved him 'til now, did you?" He found himself blurting out.  
  
Kaori looked down at her hands. "I thought I could never love anyone more than I love Arashi."  
  
Yoshi nodded. He understood everything that happened between Arashi and Kaori. There was an unspoken understanding regarding that matter.  
  
Kaori continued. "But then, when Kenji came, he triggered something in me. He stirred up my emotions and made me confused. I'm still confused, Yosh. All I know is that I wanted him back so badly."  
  
Kaori sighed and managed a weak smile while a tear fell.  
  
Yoshi shook his head in a knowing way.  
  
"Nii-chan?"  
  
"Aa?"  
  
"Maybe that's why he didn't stay."  
  
Kaori raised an eyebrow. "Nani?"  
  
"Maybe that's why he didn't stay. Maybe he knew that you still didn't know how you felt for him." Yoshi explained. "There's no certainty there, you see?"  
  
Kaori stared straight ahead. "But is there certainty in anything?"  
  
"Then you should've went ahead and told him how you REALLY felt. To be certain is to be rational. And to be rational means not to be in love." Yoshi argued.  
  
Kaori had to smile at this remark. "Since when did you become an authority with these matters?"  
  
"Oh, I have always been an authority on everything, busu!" Yoshi retorted. "At least I made you smile, ne?" Yoshi reasoned while Kaori tried to whack him.  
  
"Ne, Arigatou Yoshi-CHAN." Kaori retorted as she started the engine and they drove towards home.  
  
"Kaori?"  
  
"What now?"  
  
"Are you okay now?"  
  
"No, I'm not." Kaori paused. "But I guess I will be."  
  
"And when is that?"  
  
"Soon."  
  
"Oh." Yoshi looked at his window and let out a breath. He stared at the flakes of snow falling down on the road.  
  
It had just started to snow. Winter had just begun.  
  
Was pain like the seasons? Does it pass with time? Do you leave everything behind?  
  
Yoshi continued to stare unseeingly. He knew too well that 'soon' wasn't coming soon enough.  
  
Spring seemed so, so far.  
  
  
  
A month passed.  
  
Two months.  
  
Still nothing was heard from Kenji.  
  
Three months.  
  
Everyone has moved on.  
  
Three painful months for Kaori.  
  
The gumi is worried. Her activities and schoolwork have been slipping.  
  
She hasn't been eating a lot, her mom observed.  
  
Could she be coming down with something?  
  
Yoshi is uneasy. When was 'soon' going to happen?  
  
Dark circles have started to appear under her eyes. This is not good, Arashi thought.  
  
Nothing wrong with her body, the doctor said.  
  
Should she go to a shrink?  
  
Misao is scared; even Meimi doesn't know what to do.  
  
Kaori is falling apart.  
  
  
  
It's been raining like the southern army where I stand  
  
Is it sunny where you are?  
  
Is it Sunny Where You Are?  
  
Rivermaya  
  
  
  
"Kaori, what's up?" Arashi lightly asked Kaori as they walked to school that day.  
  
"Nothing much.." Kaori answered listlessly. "Just the same everyday stuff.."  
  
Arashi frowned. "No, I meant, what is up with YOU?"  
  
Kaori looked at Arashi innocently. "I'm good, I guess."  
  
"No you're not. Don't you think it's taking you a bit too long to recover?" Arashi stopped in front of Kaori.  
  
"I don't want to talk about this, okay?" Kaori pushed Arashi aside.  
  
"No. We need to talk, YOU need to talk." Arashi insisted, blocking her path. "I am supposed to be your closest friend. And then Kenji leaves and suddenly, we don't know what's going on with you."  
  
"Can we just drop it?" Kaori asked hotly. "What do you want mo to say? That I tried to stop him from leaving but he left anyway! Is that what you want me to say? That I fell in love a bit too late? That I'm going through hell just because of some guy who came and left!"  
  
"He shouldn't have come, Arashi! He shouldn't have. But he did. He left. When he left he took my heart with him. He took my pride. He took everything without even knowing it. I have nothing left, Arashi. Is that what you want to hear?!?!"  
  
Kaori fell on her knees, weeping. Arashi wrapped his arms around her, not knowing how to comfort her, not knowing what words to tell her.  
  
Kaori managed to stop crying, but she still continued to talk. "Do you know how this makes me feel? I wake up every single day, hoping each day is better than the last. But no. I see him everywhere I turn. I am reminded of what could have been if it hadn't been for my stupidity. I am haunted by the thought that he and that Tomoe had gotten back together. Even the memory of her face taunts me."  
  
"Even going to school annoys me. What's the point of studying hard when there's no one to beat?" Kaori smiled bitterly. "Without realizing it, he has become a big part of me."  
  
Arashi clung on to Kaori as she shook with all these repressed emotions.  
  
God, if she knew how much he wanted to take her pain away and keep it for himself. He wanted her to be happy, the way he was now happy with Misao.  
  
"I can't live with myself knowing how much I wasted, knowing how much I pushed away." Kaori looked at Arashi, seeming to look for answers in his ice blue eyes.  
  
Arashi didn't say a word; he just kept on shushing Kaori and holding her close to him. He didn't know how to help her.  
  
He was hoping, that somehow, his presence would help ease the pain.  
  
"You still want to go to school?" Arashi asked as they stood up. "I could take you home. I could even watch over you."  
  
Kaori shook her head and clutched Arashi's hand and squeezed it. "Iie. We're going to school. As long as I have you guys to back me up, I can manage."  
  
Arashi nodded. And took her bag.  
  
But it just isn't enough, ne Kaori? He thought to himself. You need him.  
  
"I'm okay." Kaori insisted as Shino asked her for the hundredth time that day. "I just don't feel like going out today, that's all."  
  
Shino's fist curled in frustration. "You never felt like going out ever since Ken-"  
  
He stopped himself in time. It had been a somewhat unspoken rule that no one will mention Kenji's name in front of Kaori.  
  
"You just don't hang out with us anymore, Kaori." Shino restated.  
  
"I'm always with you guys!" Kaori protested. "Just not now, okay?"  
  
"Yeah, you're with us but your mind's always someplace else." Shino squatted in front of Kaori. "We really miss the old Kaori. We want her back."  
  
Kaori's lip trembled. "I know. I want her back, too." She hugged Shino lightly. She stood up and left.  
  
"Damn Kenji." Shino muttered. Then, turning to look at no one in particular, he said aloud. "Why did you have to leave anyway?! Look what you've done to her!"  
  
"No, I think the question should be, does she know what she's done to me?" A voice behind Shino retorted back.  
  
I hate you for the things you do but I love you And curse you for your beauty, that makes me make some poetry 'bout love And I don't think you even think about me If only you were smiling, and if I was your reason Tomorrow, I could die  
  
  
  
Without turning around, Shino grinned. Something heavy had been lifted from his heart.  
  
  
  
I can only pray my absence will change you Pretend that you're the one who needs my love But you celebrate, 'coz yes why should you miss me? When you know darn well I'd die, just to bring us together  
  
And this is not a love song, don't even think it's your song.  
  
Hate  
  
Rivermaya  
  
  
  
  
  
*** God, I hate cliffhangers!! :p Don't you just? Hehehe.. At least we all know who the mysterious voice belongs to, ne? Kawaii is happy so she can't make a bad ending. She just hasn't thought of a good ending yet. Teehee..  
  
Do you think that to be rational is not to be in love? I mean, I personally think that loving doesn't mean losing your sensibility.. Just a little!! Hehehe.. just a random q, I guess.. ^__^  
  
Anyway, I think I should go back to writing now.. Hungry readers first, then I can pack my stuff. My mother has been nagging me endlessly. _  
  
Arigatou for reading minna!! :) You guys are the coolest!! Please review! I know I'm into Rivermaya right now. I dunno.. I just like their old songs, I guess. And their drummer, Mark Escueta!! *^^*  
  
Eherm..  
  
Any questions, suggestions..whatever.. mail me: Kristina_mae.agulto@up.edu.ph or krissy@teenagedirtbag.com or himura_kawaii_07@yahoo.com or Text me 0917 4087755 I have load! ^___^ Gomen ne to those whom I wasn't able to reply to!! ::kawaii bows:: 


	11. Chapter 11 I Want to Rest

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Eleven  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah. RK's not mine. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama. I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!.... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
  
  
"I just want him back." Kaori quietly whispered into the skies. "I need him back."  
  
She was in her room, sitting on her bay window, watching the clouds float over her. She remembered the night Kenji came to her room, begging her to admit her feelings. But she was too stubborn then. Full of pride that wasn't of much use.  
  
Kaori regretted every bad thing she did. If she could take it all away and bring back time, she would.  
  
But she can't.  
  
And all she can do is wish for him.  
  
"Please come back, Kenji."  
  
And I didn't think about  
  
All the ways I hurt you and myself  
  
And I wouldn't say a thing to you  
  
I keep it to myself in  
  
My mind  
  
All I can't satnd without you  
  
And I won't find the answers  
  
When you're gone  
  
But it's over to you  
  
It's Over  
  
Goo Goo Dolls  
  
"Man what took you so long?!" Shino grinned happily as Kenji stepped out of the shadows.  
  
He still looked like the Kenji they used to know, Shino observed. But something in him had changed. He looked tired and his usually cheerful violet orbs were dim. Shino also noted that Kenji lost weight, his hair had grown longer and he looked kind of rugged.  
  
"No, I believe the question is, what happened to you?!" Shino added, eyeing Kenji disapprovingly. "Did your parents cut off your allowance?"  
  
Kenji smiled slowly and patted Shino on the back affectionately. "Is that how you welcome your friends back? You bomb them with questions as soon as you see them?!" Kenji kidded Shino.  
  
Shino's face lightened. "At least you still got some sense of humor, ne, Kenji?" He smiled and then turned serious again. "But, man, you have a lot of explaining to do. You left us here without saying goodbye. That was unacceptable!"  
  
"Gomen nasai, Shino." Kenji sighed and sat down at the seat Kaori vacated hours ago. "I didn't know what I was doing then." He paused. "Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing now, either!"  
  
Shino nodded. "So, how have you been?" He decided to make the conversation as light as possible.  
  
"Good." Kenji smiled again. "I've been better."  
  
"Was Kyoto good?"  
  
"Yeah, still the same."  
  
There was a pause as no one spoke anything. This silence went on for minutes.  
  
Shino spoke again.  
  
"I don't suppose you expect me to ask you about the weather, or the traffic, right Kenji? So I'll just go straight to the point. You know I'm not one to do things subtly."  
  
Kenji didn't move nor did he react. Instead, he spoke too.  
  
"How is she?"  
  
  
  
"I'm scared for her, Sou." Misao looked at Soujirou like a lost child. "She's never been like this. Arashi said that too."  
  
Soujirou played with the straw of his latté without paying attention to it. He was also worried about Kaori. "I don't know, Misao. We can't reach her. Sure, she opens up and tells us what she feels, but somehow, nothing is the same."  
  
Misao nodded. "I feel helpless. Like I'm watching a bad soap opera unfold. Except that in soaps, everyone expects a happy ending. And all we're expecting is a miracle."  
  
"Maybe we could try to divert her attention somewhere else."  
  
"Like where?" Misao perked up.  
  
"Maybe this weekend we could all go to the beach or something." Sou paused. "I know this sounds lame and I know nothing we tried worked. But maybe we could set her up with someone else."  
  
Misao backed away. "Maybe that's not such a good idea, Sou. Kaori's been from one bad relationship to another."  
  
"I guess." Sou nodded, feeling useless. "Isn't there anything we can do?"  
  
"All we can do right now is be there for her." Misao shrugged.  
  
"This is so frustrating."  
  
  
  
Shino looked away. Why was he cursed to be the one to tell the real case?  
  
"What do you want me to say, Kenji? That she's fine and she's doing great? I know you know that she isn't and it's driving us crazy, Kenji."  
  
It was Kenji's turn to look away. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."  
  
Shino felt something burst inside him as he heard Kenji say that. "Oh, yeah Kenji. She's not eating anymore. She doesn't even want to speak at all. In fact, she's having a breakdown, Kenji. She's not Kaori anymore!"  
  
"And what do you say to that? 'I'm sorry'?! Is that the best you could do?! That is SO lame, Kenji!" Shino kicked the dirt so hard that bits of soil and grass flew everywhere.  
  
Kenji stood up and faced Shino. "What? What could I say!? Do you think I'm having a grand time at Kyoto?! Those three months were hell for me too! In fact, ever since I came here, life has been hell! I don't even know why I love her in the first place!"  
  
Shino didn't say anything.  
  
"And, oh, yeah, did I forget to mention that in my frustration over her, I drank myself sick the night I came back to Kyoto?! And, what do you know? In the process I mistook Tomoe for Kaori!"  
  
Shino could feel his stomach recoiling. He grabbed Kenji's shirt and shouted at his face.  
  
"Damn, what did you do Kenji?! You asshole, tell me what you did!!"  
  
  
  
"Yeah, I'll take the red one, this white top and this pair of faded jeans, thanks." Meimi smiled at the cashier and handed her credit card.  
  
She had just finished choosing a blouse in the mall and she was now leaning over the cash register, waiting for her purchases. She lazily watched people passing by outside the store.  
  
Suddenly she spotted a familiar face going into the store across from the one she's in.  
  
Meimi furrowed her brow and walked closer towards the door.  
  
"Tomoe-san?!"  
  
It was she, the same long, layered hair and the same, exact grace. Even the height and the features were alike. There was no mistaking it, the woman was Tomoe.  
  
But what was she doing here in Kyoto? Meimi wondered.  
  
She tried to call her to be sure, but Tomoe was already inside the store.  
  
Meimi unconsciously ran her eye on the name of the store and quickly scanned their products on the window. She suddenly felt coldness numb her entire body.  
  
"Masaka.. Masaka!"  
  
  
  
Kenji slowly brought his head up to face Shino. His face betrayed everything he would say and more.  
  
"I got her pregnant, Shino." Kenji paused, and then as if saying it again would make it more real, he repeated, "Tomoe is pregnant."  
  
"Shit." Shino muttered. "Shit!!!!!"  
  
"For a smart guy, how the hell could you be so dumb, Kenji?!" Shino screamed.  
  
Kenji spoke no words.  
  
"So what are you going to do now?" Shino asked. "Why did you even come back?!"  
  
Kenji stared at the ground. "Our parents decided that Tomoe and I should transfer here to avoid gossip. We'll finish the rest of high school here and then.. and then.." Kenji trailed off.  
  
"And then what?"  
  
"And then we'll get married." Kenji barely whispered. "Our future is even secured, the restaurant in Tokyo was put in my name. Even the house is mine now." Kenji smiled bitterly.  
  
"How could you?!" Shino was really infuriated now. "How could you be so spineless!?"  
  
Kenji held his hands out. "I don't have any choice, Shino! I don't have anything left. Can't you see? This is the life I am supposed to live. I am empty Shino. I have nothing left." Kenji repeated.  
  
"What about Kaori?" Shino asked.  
  
"Kaori doesn't need me, Shino. Are you blind or what?! She's not the issue here, she's not the point. It's over, whatever it is that happened between us. I don't mean a thing to her."  
  
"Then what is the point, Kenji? If Kaori's not the point, then how come you're so depressed at what seems to me like a good, stable future? If Kaori's not the point, you'd be with Tomoe right now, instead of pouring out your woes here with me!" Shino screamed at Kenji.  
  
"You're the one who's blind! You two are both stupid, you know that?!" Shino shook his head at the irony of the situation.  
  
How does it feel when you're out on your own  
  
And now it's too late to come home  
  
And it's hard to be free when you're down on your knees  
  
What A Scene  
  
Goo Goo Dolls  
  
  
  
"Maybe it would be good to rest for a while." Kaori murmured to herself. "It would be nice to fly away from all the pain."  
  
She walked towards her bathroom and placed herself in the tub.  
  
She was so tired, tired of all the things that were happening.  
  
Everything was going around in circles. Nothing was coming out of it.  
  
She couldn't understand it. Why was she going crazy over some boy she hardly knew?  
  
Why was she pining over a mistake that wasn't really that big?  
  
Why. Why. Why.  
  
She was so tired.  
  
"Maybe it would be good to rest for a while." Kaori repeated again as she stepped out of the tub and went to the medicine cabinet above the mirror.  
  
She scanned the contents of her cabinet until she found what she was looking for.  
  
As she closed the door, she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. Kaori ran a hand over her features and smiled slowly.  
  
She was so tired.  
  
"Maybe it would be good to rest for a while..."  
  
  
  
*** Man, what started out as a humorous story of not knowing what you want evolved into something so serious... I think I'm whacked!!! :O I didn't want this story to end just yet cuz you guys said you wanted it longer.. :) But is it okay? Or did I overdo it? Am I worrying too much?!  
  
I'm sorry this took a long time to come out.. it's really hard for me to write stuff when I'm happy.. hehe.. and I guess I'm happy now. ^__^  
  
I can't get over the fact that I wrote something so suicidal and all that in Between Love and Hate.. I mean, I haven't even experienced any of these!!! Hope you guys like it. Tell me please.. ^__^  
  
Domo arigatou gozaimasta for bearing with me and helping me write better fics. :D You don't know how happy I get whenever I receive mail and text messages and reviews urging me to continue my stories.. :D You guys simply ROCK!! ^^;;  
  
'Til next chappies minna!! 


	12. Author's Notes

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Author's Notes  
  
  
  
Konnichiwa minna!!  
  
First, I want to thank you guys for reading my fics and taking time to review and all that. I'm also grateful to all those who mailed me and sent me text messages regarding my fics, BL&H included. I want y'all to know that your feedback means sooooooooo much to me. And oftentimes, the flow of the story is largely based on how you want it to turn out. So, again, I thank you guys with all my heart. If anything could keep me writing, it's you. ^___^  
  
Hmmm.. so let's go to the story proper. What started out as a humorous and supposedly short fic turned out to be deeper and longer. It's really weird how my mind works.. and honestly, I didn't know whether I could write stuff with more depth. Cuz with Twisted and the others, it's all about love and WAFF.. And out of the blue, it just popped into my mind to write something heavier. I've read your reviews and some of the messages sent to me, and so far, all of you were shocked at this sudden twist, and about 90% of you guys were okay with it. So I guess, I'm not such a crappy writer, ne? Thank you.. ::breathes a sigh of relief::  
  
About the ending.. I have options, and I still haven't decided on how I'd end it. The only thing I can assure you is that it will be a happy ending, even if I have to die trying!! :D LOL!! Of course, Kenshin and Kaoru still!!! Not even Tomoe could change that! Hehe.  
  
I guess the real challenge here is to make the two end up together without making Tomoe look like the loser or the antagonist. Because no matter how much some of us, including me [no offense!!], dislike Tomoe, I don't want to make her appear to be manipulative or deceptive, because [basing on the context of the story] she never really intended herself to get pregnant. For all we know, someone else is waiting for her back in Kyoto **coughcough_Kiyosato_coughcough** ::hint hint:: But another thing, I won't dwell on Tomoe's story, because I cannot write stuff about her since I don't like her as much as I like Kaoru. So gomen ne for that misgiving. :)  
  
Anyways, sorry if cliffhangers make you want to strangle me..Teehee.. I'm sorry too that I don't update on a daily basis.. lots of stuff have been going on [good stuff, don't worry!] in my life so I've been busy.. but I'm constantly thinking of what to write.. so I hope you guys bear with me, like you've always done..  
  
Thanks again, and till next chappies!!  
  
You guys rock!  
  
Kawaii 


	13. Chapter 12 Rollercoaster Ride

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Twelve  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah. RK's not mine. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama. I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!.... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
A/N: Now I dunno how to continue!!! ::wails:: I don't wanna ruin this story.. and I don't know what I have done!! ::wails even more:: I have, like, a blurry sketch of how things will be, but nothing's definite yet. ::  
  
Anyways, the reviews you guys sent me were just sooo overwhelming.. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.  
  
Now on with it. ***  
  
"Kaori? Talk to me Kaori!" Arashi shook her limp body, trying to revive her. "Kaori wake up, dammit!"  
  
He had had the sudden urge to come to her house and see how she's doing. He came just in time to see her lying face down on the floor of her bathroom, one hand clutching a small container of pills Arashi couldn't identify. But from the looks of it, Kaori hadn't taken much, just enough to knock her out.  
  
"Kaori, please talk to me." Arashi pleaded, not knowing what to do next. He felt her wrist for a pulse and thankfully got a weak one.  
  
Arashi immediately called the paramedics and then hurried over to tend to Kaori.  
  
He's always been a man who's in control, but now he didn't know what to do. Kaori's parents were out of the country in some business trip and Yoshi was staying over at a friend's house. Kaori had sent the maids on a day- off.  
  
If Arashi didn't know any better, he would've thought Kaori planned all these on purpose.  
  
He felt his heart beat faster as Kaori moaned silently and showed a sign of life.  
  
"Kaori, are you okay?!"  
  
"Unnhhh." Kaori fought to open her eyes. "Kenji? Is that you?"  
  
Arashi quickly carried Kaori onto her bed and felt her forehead. She was cold but her forehead was breaking into small sweats.  
  
"Ken-ji..?" Kaori whispered again. "Am I in heaven? Are you my angel?"  
  
Arashi could feel the tears threatening to spill.  
  
What has he done to you, Kaori? What is it in him that makes you suffer so much?  
  
"It's Arashi, Kaori." Arashi managed to say. "You're going to be okay now."  
  
"But if this is heaven. then why are you here, Arashi-kun?" Kaori murmured absently. "Are you here to take care of me?"  
  
Arashi wanted so much to take Kaori in his arms, hug her tight, and protect her from everything.  
  
"Sssshhh, Kaori, don't say a word, it's going to be okay from now on." Arashi rocked her slowly. "Everything will be better."  
  
"Is Kenji coming?" Kaori managed to open her eyes for a moment and then collapsed in Arashi's arms and into unconsciousness.  
  
Outside, wails of the ambulance's sirens indicated help finally coming. Arashi only prayed that it wasn't too late.  
  
It's a long way down On this roller coaster The last chance streetcar Went off the track And you're on it  
  
Alanis Morisette Mary Jane  
  
  
  
"So are you going to tell her?" Shino asked after what seemed like a pause that lasted so long.  
  
Kenji put his hands in his pockets and sighed. "Do you think I should? Would it even matter to her?"  
  
Shino clutched his fists in anger. "Are you stupid or what? Didn't I just tell you she's breaking down because of you?! And you go on and on with this self-pity crap! What the hell is wrong with you man?!"  
  
Kenji barely shrugged. "I think she made it very clear to me that she didn't give a fig about me. Anyway, she'd know pretty soon, cuz Tomoe and I will be attending class next week."  
  
Shino sighed. "Are you sure you know what you're getting into, Kenji?"  
  
Kenji stared at Shino's cinnamon eyes. "No. But there's no other way, is there?"  
  
Before Shino could respond, his cellphone rang and he answered it.  
  
"I'm telling you guys, I saw Tomoe-san at the mall." Meimi reiterated for Misao and Soujirou. "She was in the maternity shop!"  
  
Misao's eyes widened. "Are you saying she's pregnant?!"  
  
"DUH! That's what I've been trying to tell you five minutes ago!!" Meimi stamped her feet impatiently; it almost looked funny how her actions contradicted her sophisticated get-up.  
  
Soujirou raised his eyebrows and tried to calm Meimi down. "That doesn't imply anything, Meimi. For all we know, she's buying something for a friend of hers, or for a relative."  
  
"But why is she shopping here in Tokyo, when Kyoto has a lot of good shops already?!" Meimi insisted.  
  
"I dunno." Misao shrugged. "Maybe she's here on a vacation. For all we know, Meimi, this hasn't anything to do with us."  
  
Meimi collapsed into the sofa, defeated. "Hmmmph. But I'm telling you, there's something suspicious about the way she behaved. And I don't like it."  
  
They were interrupted by the sound of a phone ringing. "Hey, that's yours, Sou." Meimi pointed out.  
  
"Ooh, wait." Sou took out his phone and grinned. "Hey Misao, it's Arashi."  
  
Misao blushed.  
  
"Moshi moshi?"  
  
Sou's smile slowly disappeared at what Arashi said.  
  
"Kaori is what?!"  
  
Meimi and Misao both turned puzzled faces at Sou.  
  
"What is it?!" Meimi pulled at Sou's shirt.  
  
But Soujirou's eyes were filled with horror and he couldn't speak.  
  
"Sou, are you okay?! Talk to me, Sou!" Misao pleaded.  
  
"It's Kaori." Sou managed to mutter. "Kaori.. tried to kill... herself."  
  
  
  
  
  
"I have to go, Kenji." Shino hurriedly said to his friend after he came back from the phone call.  
  
Kenji also stood up. "What? What is it?"  
  
Shino just stood there, looking so confused. "Ano.. ah.. "  
  
"Spit it out man! You're scaring me!"  
  
Shino took a deep breath and held Kenji's shoulders as if to steady him. " Kaoru's in the hospital. She overdosed on sleeping pills."  
  
Kenji's face paled as he tried to gasp for breath. He turned his puzzled face to Shino, looking as though he had lost his mind.  
  
"No."  
  
Shino shook Kenji hard. "Whatever you do, don't tell her yet. This news of yours is going to kill her for sure."  
  
Kenji stood rooted to the ground. "No, Kaori.. This is all my fault."  
  
Shino took one last look at Kenji and then hurried off to his car. He knew that if he stayed longer, the sight of Kenji's suffering would surely confuse him.  
  
"Shino, wait."  
  
He turned around and saw Kenji running after him.  
  
"I'm coming with you, Shino. I-" Kenji stopped to catch his breath, "I need to see her. Please."  
  
Shino nodded and Kenji ran to his car.  
  
  
  
"Is she going to be okay?" Arashi instantly inquired as the doctor came out of the emergency room. Meimi, Sou and Misao also stood up, wanting to hear what the doctor has to say.  
  
"Are you a relative of the patient?" The doctor asked calmly.  
  
"Iie. But we're her friends. Her parents are out of the country." Meimi answered impatiently. "Now could you please-"  
  
"I'm her brother."  
  
Everyone turned around to see Yoshi hurrying towards them, looking agitated. "What happened to her, Arashi?!" He looked from one person to another, hoping to find some answers.  
  
"She's going to be fine, young man." The doctor assured Yoshi. "But apart from the fact that she almost killed herself from overdosing with sleeping pills, she has also seems to have been under a lot of stress lately. Which normally, teenagers can take because they get enough nutrition from the food they eat. But it also seems that Kaori hasn't been eating anything lately."  
  
The doctor paused as if contemplating on whether to say anything more. She continued. "Her red blood cell count is also low, which means she's anemic. She also seems to be losing sleep, judging from the dark circles under her eyes."  
  
He looked at the gumi seriously. "I don't know what she is going through, but whatever it is, it should stop. And as her friends, I strongly advise you to do anything in your power to help her get through this. Kaori's a healthy girl, her structure is strong and her immune system is in good shape. But her mind is another thing. Her body may be well, but the mind is stronger. If her state of mind isn't well, everything in her will be unwell, too."  
  
"I hope you get my point.. Let's help each other out okay? You can come see her now. She's still unconscious, so let her rest."  
  
The gumi went quiet for a while as they all slumped back into their seats. It seemed that no one had the guts to see Kaori in this state. Plus the impact of what the doctor had told them was too heavy to take in. Everyone had their backs to the entrance so they didn't hear Shino and Kenji come in.  
  
No one realized it was Kenji who spoke up.  
  
"Where is she? Is Kaori going to be okay?"  
  
Arashi instantly stood up and punched Kenji in the face. Kenji staggered backwards as Shino pried in between them before the nurse on standby sees them.  
  
"You! Look at what you've done to her!" Arashi demanded, unable to keep his cool. "Why did you even come back?! Haven't you done enough damage?"  
  
Kenji rubbed his jaw, violet eyes flashing at Arashi. He looked at Misao, then at Sou, then at Meimi, then at Shino.  
  
Shino nodded at Kenji, prodding him to finally confess everything about Tomoe.  
  
Everyone thought that things couldn't get any worse than they already are.  
  
Everyone must've thought wrong.  
  
*** Gomen if it took me soooooooo long to write this chapter.. I know I promised to write more during my sembreak, but unfortunately, things didn't go my way [had a lot to do and so little time] and I succumbed to laziness. Plus, it's not fun to write sad fics when you're happy! My creative juices can't flow properly! Hope you guys understand. :)  
  
Again, I want to thank you for the reviews and the suggestions [regarding the ending] you sent me.. as well as all the other people I've gotten to know better because of this fic.. I still haven't decided on the ending, and you can still help me make it more complicated.. ^__^  
  
I know that some of the peeps who read this also read Saving the Best for Last.. Please bear with me as I will be updating that fic soon.. all thanks to Lexa [my sweetest friend] who gave me the idea on what to write next. All I need now is time.. since classes have started and I've been really busy.. :)  
  
Thanks for reading! Till next chappies! Love you minna!! ^__^ 


	14. Chapter 13 Back For Good?

::Between Love and Hate::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Thirteen  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah. RK's not mine. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama. I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!.... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
***Previously..  
  
No one realized it was Kenji who spoke up.  
  
"Where is she? Is Kaori going to be okay?"  
  
Arashi instantly stood up and punched Kenji in the face. Kenji staggered backwards as Shino pried in between them before the nurse on standby sees them.  
  
"You! Look at what you've done to her!" Arashi demanded, unable to keep his cool. "Why did you even come back?! Haven't you done enough damage?"  
  
Kenji rubbed his jaw, violet eyes flashing at Arashi. He looked at Misao, then at Sou, then at Meimi, then at Shino.  
  
Shino nodded at Kenji, prodding him to finally confess everything about Tomoe.  
  
Everyone thought that things couldn't get any worse than they already are.  
  
Everyone must've thought wrong.  
  
***  
  
The gumi, except for Arashi, turned their confused faces toward Kenji, awaiting his explanation.  
  
"Don't tell me things could get worse..." Misao almost pleaded.  
  
Kenji took a deep breath. "I think you should all sit down before you hear what I have to say."  
  
Arashi frowned. "I don't want to take things sitting down anymore." He stood rooted to the spot he was placed, right across Kenji. "Kaori is in there, unconscious and it's all because we didn't take things seriously. Everything was happening behind closed doors. Tell us everything, Kenji. And you better tell it straight, whatever it is you have to say."  
  
Misao slightly winced at the way Arashi talked. She wasn't used to hearing him speak so many words. Furthermore, she wasn't even used to hearing him say such harsh words.  
  
He must really care for her that much.  
  
Inwardly, Misao berated herself for feeling envious of Kaori at a time like this. But she couldn't help it. the way Arashi lost his cool when it came to Kaori was so evident that Misao didn't know what exactly Arashi was feeling for her and what Arashi was feeling for Kaori.  
  
Meimi spoke suddenly. "Kenji.. is Tomoe... are you...?" Her voice was sharp even if she was not able to continue, it was apparent that she was as mad as Arashi.  
  
Kenji looked up, his eyes widening at Meimi's rash approach.  
  
For a moment, violet orbs clashed into brown ones.  
  
And at that moment, Meimi knew she had the answer to her unspoken question.  
  
Without the understanding of everyone else, Meimi slapped Kenji right at the face. "How dare you?! how dare you do that to Kaori?! How dare you do that to Tomoe?!"  
  
Shino stepped in, finally understanding that Meimi had somehow figured everything out. He gently took Meimi into his arms as she shook vehemently with uncontrolled sobs.  
  
No one had seen Meimi crumple like this before. She has always been their pillar of strength, the woman who never lets anyone see that she's weak.  
  
Kenji remained in his position, unmoving. He was afraid that if he moved, something wrong might happen again. He didn't realize that the rest didn't know what was going on, and they still were confused,  
  
"Ano, Kenji..." Soujirou, who hadn't spoken a word since Kenji came, broke his silence. "Please tell us what is going on."  
  
Kenji looked down on the ground. He knew that Soujirou might get mad at him for this. He knew that Misao might never speak to him again. And in his mind, he knew that Arashi would want to kill him for this confession. But he also knew he needed them right now. He needed their support somehow.  
  
"Tomoe is pregnant." Kenji stated simply. There were no other words to add to the gravity of the situation.  
  
"But how? Why? I don't understand." Misao's face was starting to go through different shades, and tears were glistening at the corners of her eyes. "Did you...? When?"  
  
Kenji told them everything he had told Shino and more. He told them how Tomoe and him had a history, and that somehow, everyone always thought they'd end up together.  
  
"What are you planning to do about it?" Soujirou inquired, his usually smiling face dark and unforgiving,  
  
"I'm going to do as I'm told. There's no other way. I must honor what has been agreed upon by our parents." Kenji dejectedly informed them.  
  
Meimi broke free from Shino's grasp and silently spoke up. "Then why the hell did you even come back?"  
  
Kenji knew very well Meimi didn't mean coming back to Tokyo or coming back to school. She was asking why he wanted to come back into Kaori's life.  
  
"Why do you have to walk into her life again when you're going to leave her anyway? Don't you think that would hurt her even more? Don't you think that's selfish of you?!" Meimi ventured further.  
  
Kenji held out his hands, unaware of what he was doing. "I'm empty, Meimi. I'm all out. I don't have anything more in my life. The only thing I live for is the fact that Kaori will have a better life. I just want to make sure that Kaori makes it out okay." Kenji's eyes were now filled with tears.  
  
"Can't you see? I'd go through all this hell repetitively if it means that she won't have to go through this pain. I know I caused her suffering.. and for that, I am paying. I will be paying my whole life."  
  
"Life with Tomoe wouldn't be so bad. She's a good person. But each day, I have to live thinking life with Kaori would have been so much better. I loved Tomoe with all my heart. But it is Kaori I love now. She is my life. But it all doesn't matter now, does it? I've ruined everything, and I will be paying. If it seems so selfish to want to spend the rest of my free days with Kaori, then selfish I will be."  
  
"Well, you should have died." Meimi spat.  
  
Kenji winced as if he had been slapped. And he had been.  
  
"Please don't hate me. I need you guys to understand." Kenji silently pleaded.  
  
"I need you all now. I need all of you more than anything."  
  
Kenji's plea was met wit an eerie silence. It was as if the gumi didn't know whether they should come to him or if they should stand their ground.  
  
Kenji continued. "I'm not aiming to come back into Kaori's life. That's too much to ask for. All I want is to make sure that she doesn't go through the hell I am in now. I just don't want to wreck her life."  
  
For the first time since Kenji had explained everything, Arashi's stone- like figure stirred.  
  
Everyone sensed this and looked his way.  
  
Arashi smirked.  
  
He looked at Kenji with his piercing, icy blue stare. Slowly, the words rolled out of his mouth like poison.  
  
"You destroyed Kaori the moment you screwed Tomoe."  
  
He glared at Kenji for what seemed like an eternity and then swiftly strode out of the waiting room.  
  
Everyone kept still. It was as if an icy wind came through that room and left them all frozen stiff.  
  
Kenji fell to his knees, his hands clutching his flame-red hair, tears streaming down his cheeks.  
  
As much as the gumi wanted to comfort him, they were still mad at him for putting him, and all of them, in such a predicament.  
  
Plus what Arashi said was so true. It was plain and simple.  
  
How could one night of idiocy ruin everyone's life? Ruin everyone's relationships?  
  
Now Kaori was in the hospital.  
  
Arashi's anger was too great.  
  
Meimi's usual composed self was slowly deteriorating.  
  
Even Soujirou seems unforgiving.  
  
Misao didn't think Kenji should be forgiven, too. But if they want Kaori to get better, they must work together. And they all know that Kenji was the only solution to Kaori's illness.  
  
Healing should start with forgiveness.  
  
And Misao was willing to do just that- for Kaori's sake.  
  
She slowly kneeled in front of Kenji's crumpled figure.  
  
"I know you love her. And I know you'll do everything to make her feel better. And that's enough for me."  
  
Kenji hugged Misao back as a show of deep gratitude.  
  
Soujirou and Shino exchanged glances and both looked at Meimi.  
  
Feeling their stares on her back, Meimi spoke again.  
  
"You can all forgive him if you want, but listen here, Kenji." She stared at Kenji with cold eyes. "I can only forgive you if you can make Kaori better. So don't hang around here asking for our forgiveness when you should be asking for hers."  
  
As Kenji was about to leave the room, Meimi's clear, confident voice piped up.  
  
"Make things better, Ken-san. Don't make things worse."  
  
The moment Kenji slipped out, Soujirou quietly spoke up while stroking Misao's hair.  
  
"I hope Kenji will make things better for Kaori."  
  
He bit his lip.  
  
"Because I'm afraid... I'm afraid he might only make things a lot worse than they already are."  
  
***  
  
Kenji walked over to Kaori's door. Arashi was sitting on the floor in front of it, his arms on his knees and his hair shielding his face from view.  
  
"Arashi-" Kenji began but Arashi cut him off.  
  
"Before you came, the nurse told us we could see Kaori." Arashi stared ahead without looking at Kenji. It was as if he was talking to himself. "You should go in and see her."  
  
Without a word, Arashi walked off again. He couldn't stand being within three feet of Kenji. His anger was just too much right now.  
  
Arashi couldn't understand why Kaori had to be hurt by the person she loved most.  
  
If it were me she loved, she wouldn't shed a single tear.  
  
At this exact moment, there was no other person in Arashi's mind but Kaori.  
  
He realized that somehow, his feelings for her hadn't been forgotten.  
  
They had just been buried somewhere.  
  
And now they were resurfacing, even stronger than before.  
  
"Kaori.." Arashi muttered under his breath. "If only circumstances were different... life would have been better. Better for you. Better for me. Better for us."  
If I was the one who was loving you...  
  
The only tears you'll cry  
  
Will be tears of joy  
  
And if I was by your side  
  
You'll never know one lonely night  
  
If I was the one  
  
In your life...  
***  
  
Kenji slowly turned the knob and gently tiptoed into the center of the room where Kaori was located.  
  
What have I done to you Kaori?  
  
He sat on the chair beside her bed and held her fragile hand in both of his.  
  
Kaori slowly stirred from her slumber and opened her eyes.  
  
She stared at Kenji's face and then slowly tried to lift her hands to his face.  
  
"Ken-ji?"  
  
"Ssshhh.." Kenji put a finger on her mouth. "Everything's alright now. I'm here."  
  
Kaori stared at him, open-mouthed, not daring to believe.  
  
"I'm afraid." Kaori whispered..  
  
"...I'm afraid, that if I close my eyes, you might slip away.."  
  
Tears slowly rolled out of her eyelids.  
  
"..Please don't go anymore Kenji.."  
  
Kaori bit her lip and clutched her chest.  
  
"...It hurts to much with you gone."  
  
Kenji wanted to hold her and not leave her side more than anything. He wanted to tell her everything that he felt for her.  
  
He wanted to show her the depth of his emotions.  
  
Instead, all he could do was smile at her. "I won't leave your side, so rest."  
  
Kaori smiled faintly.  
  
"You came back."  
  
Kaori slowly closed her eyes and returned to sleep.  
  
"Thank you.. for coming back to me."  
  
Kenji wept. For the first time in his life, he wept like he had never wept before.  
***  
  
Darn, after such a loooooooooong time, I finally came back! I know you guys want to strangle me for such a long absence. but really, I want to whack myself more for leaving you guys hanging!!! :)  
  
I hope this one's okay. More chappies are coming soon. I already have the next one written but still not encoded. *sweatdrops* But at least you can expect more because I can feel my creative juices slowly flowing back *yehey!* Dislclaimers, not my song!! I forgot the artist.. But it's the OST for Centerstage, I think! :D  
  
Expect Tomoe's POV in the next chappies, although I can't assure you that I will be good at writing what's in her mind [y'all know I'm not too fond of her]  
  
So, all those who live in the Philippines, are you guys going to the Anime Quest 2003 [AQ2K3] at Megamall this April 25-27? If you are, then I hope I can see some of you there. :) I'll probably be going at the 27th since that's the cosplay day. Keep in touch okay? You guys know my number.  
  
Shameless plugging: visit my journal: not much is happening there this April, but you're free to browse through it [I started in November] and feel free to leave me messages. Tell me what you think about what I think!  
  
Another shameless plugging, joing Anime-Club messageboard: www.anime- club.com/messageboard it's really cool. :) Try to join. ^_^ My username there is Kawaii and Krissy [I'm using krissy now.]  
  
As usual, I live for your comments and suggestions!! I love your reviews! Keep them coming!! You guys totally rock! And thank you to those who keep on reviewing even if I'm not updating!! LOLz!!  
  
E-mail me/YM me: himura_kawaii_07@yahoo.com  
  
"til next chappies!!! You guys rock!! 


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